Positivity….

I have made a conscious decision to be more positive in my life. Life is markedly better with a positive attitude, in my humble opinion There is so much negativity in the world and I am a firm believer in the power of mind of matter when it comes to attitude. Now this new attitude of mine does not mean that I won’t break down in tears if we don’t get pregnant this month-I am not Superwoman, infertility is still painful-but I will try to limit my negative thoughts about life in general.

Having a job that I love definitely makes it easier to be more positive. I have seriously not ever been this happy at a real job. I love talking to soldiers and helping them with resumes, job searching and figuring out what they want to do after they get out of the Army. So many of them sell themselves short but today I convinced one not to do that. H came in wanting to look for jobs and start a resumes but he had no idea what kind of work he wanted to do. After talking with him for over 2 hours he decided to not settle for a crappy paying job; instead he decided to apply to college and major in civil engineering THAT IS HUGE!!! We looked at a college curriculum for the program as well as looked at some job announcements and it turns out that he is great at math and would love to do that line of work. It is so nice to make a difference everyday. Yesterday I spent 2 hours with a retiree-job searching and writing his resume. He said that retiring from the military is the most stressful thing he’s ever done b/c the military is all he’s ever known. He thanked me several times for spending time with him to prepare for his future. LOVE MY JOB!

Today I get to start peeing on sticks again to figure out my ovulation. I might even try charting my BBT but that means I will have to get a thermometer b/c I cannot find ours. yeah, I lose thermometers every time we move. Hopefully I will ovulate and get knocked up this month so that we don’t have to worry about Tricare, IVF and travelling to Ft. Bragg.

The hubby and I have decided to try and do something fun at least every other weekend so that we can enjoy our time here. This weekend we are going fishing and maybe even going to Avery Island, the home of Tabsaco Sauce. It’s about a 3 hr drive so we have to figure out something to do with our dogs if we go-10+ hrs is too long to leave them cooped up in the apartment. Maybe next weekend I can talk him into going back Natchitoches so I can tour the plantation homes. Since we have at least 9 more months here we figure that we ought to at least try to enjoy it.

Ok, back to work. Lunch is over and am STILL hungry

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Open for questions

……

AF came today. Not pregnant for the 25th time. Infertility is exhausting.

Blah, blah, blah

So tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day and we are stuck in this shithole town rather than being in Savannah, GA. We have been in Leesville for a yr and I am ready to leave. I day dream about living in Savannah again-the shopping, River St., the beach, the squares, City Market, Vinnie Van Go Go’s pizza-I miss all of it. I miss the beach so freaking much.

Off to sit in on a brief now. . . maybe it will take my mind off missing Savannah so much.

A hodgepodge….

I don’t care if Michael Phelps smoked pot. I heard part of his interview on Today while I was getting ready for work and I felt a bit sorry for the kid. Seriously, he’s 23 and having some fun-BACK OFF PEOPLE. Lots of 23 year olds have smoked pot and partied some-why should he be so different? Because he’s a “role model”? Yeah, f*ck that. Kids need to know that their heroes and rold models are not perfect and that it is ok to make some mistakes. Seriously, Phelps didn’t beat a woman, pull a gun on someone or have sex with a minor. He smoked a drug that many people, including myself, think should be legal. It must suck to live in the public eye.

I am thinking of taking a different route on the infertility stuff. Dr. M had mentioned that it would cost about $1000 to do an IUI here in LA (not the cool L.A.) due to TriCare not covering it. I think that $1000 might be easier to come up with versus the $6000+ to travel and do IVF at Bragg. I am doing some research today during my down time to see if I can find a reproductive endocrinologist within a few hrs who will do an IUI.

I am also looking into the Conceivex Conception Kit. We could pay out of pocket for it or we could get on the list to be in the TriCare related study and possibly get it for free. I’m not sure how P would feel about this method of conception but it is definitely the most cost effective. The only real issue is that it doesn’t help infertility due to PCOS or endometriosis but the drs can’t seem to explain why those issues are causing my problems so I figure it’s worth a shot.

I am sick of the freaking weather here in LA. Earlier this week it was yellow with pollen and we needed to run our A/C. Yesterday it was been COLD and rainy and it will be that way all weekend. Cold and rainy is not fun when you have 3 dogs that want to play outside.

Tonight is date night =) We are having dinner at the local Japanese steakhouse after work and I am excited about it. It’s one of the few restaurants here that we both like a lot. Tomorrow I will be getting my industrial piercing. Hopefully work doesn’t care. If they do I will just hide it with my hair. I am so freaking excited to get this done because I have wanted it for years!!!

Off to help soldiers now. Hopefully the rest of the day will fly by quickly.

Slowly my quality of life is improving

I abso-freaking-lutely love my new job!!!! I have been here a week and I am already acclimated to the workload and am helping clients. I haven’t mastered the resume wizard stuff yet but I can schedule clients and do some other things. Hopefully in a month or so I will be doing briefs on my own =) It’s amazing how being in a job you enjoy can lift your spirit.

The one “eh” side to my job is the dress code. I haven’t had to wear business casual attire in a year so my closet needs some replenishing. I am slowly building my professional waredrobe back to an acceptable level but it is difficult to do given that I am limited on funds and stores. Anyone want to nominate me for “What Not to Wear” so I can get new clothes??

I have also decided to set up a Paypal account to help raise funds for P and I have to have IVF. There is no way we can save enough money quickly enough to do it due to our outrageous credit card debt. Yes, we are aware that we were terribly financially irresponsible and we will never do it again. After our state tax refunds come in we should be able to pay off one and a half cards which will leave us with 3 and a half to go. Thankfully with my new job and us cutting down on stupid expenses (i.e. energy drinks, massive amounts of alcohol) we should be able to start paying those down in a reasonable amount of time.

Our plan after tears, sleep and talk

We definitely don’t have $6000 lying around for IVF and the associated travel costs. I am keeping the consultation and we are going to try to schedule it for block leave b/c P is adament about going with me to Womack. In the mean time we are going to have sex everyday (yes, everyday) and I am going to talk to the dr about getting back on Femara since it is safe for long term use. I may or may not do OPKs. . . P has left that up to me. I also plan to talk to the dr about the differences in Walter Reed and Womack since WR seems to be the best of the best for IVF in the military. If I can get on there then I really want to do it.

Financially we really need to pay off our debt, esp our credit card debt. We currently have 5 CC (down from 9) and we have plans to pay off 2 of them within 3 months with tax returns and money from my new job. Rather than completely focusing on paying off the remaining 3 CC, we are going to divide the money 50/50 between CC debt and IVF savings. If we can put $500/months towards both then we can have the 6k in one yr. We also plan to ask family members for monetary gifts only for holidays so that we can put it toward our dream of having children.

I am currently trying to figure out additional ways to fund this and so far my Facebook (and some ArmyWifeChat friends) have come up with a zombie porno bake sale, garage sales and traditional bake sales. Anyone have any other ideas? I have found a grant but it seems to be for people with zero insurance coverage and we have TriCare.

We are trying to be positive about all of this since according to the dr and all my tests, we really should be able to get pregnant on our own. I plan to delve into reading more about all natural ways to boost pregnancy and to finally watch that Conceivex DVD that came in the mail. If we could do this naturally it would be amazing and awesome.

The post op appointment that almost wasn’t

Ok, so here goes. . . .

I left my house early to get to my 1300 appt b/c I knew that traffic is heavier at lunch. Well, it took me 45 fucking minutes to get to the dr’s office-it normally takes me maybe 15. I get there and the receptionist was rude about me being late even though I told her about the traffic and let her know that it was a post-op appt. She loudly talked to the head nurse who told me that I’d have to reschedule b/c it was already time for Dr. M’s next appt. I was about to burst into tears so I said that I’d call back to reschedule and I walked off.

I knew that I couldn’t walk through the hospital bawling so I sat down on the floor by the elevators, crying and proceeded to write 3 expletive filled text messages to P about the whole situation. I was crying, wiping tears and about to rant about it on here when Dr. M walked down the hall and saw me. He stopped and asked me why I was sitting on the floor crying. I proceeded to tell him that they told I couldn’t see him, etc and he laughed (not loud; more like a giggle) and waved me up and walked me back to the exam room saying “of course I’ll see you.” *sticking out my tongue* <——what I wanted to do to those meanie bitches as I walked past.

Now the real update:
I am healing well but I do have Stage 2 (there are 5 Stages) endometriosis. The only real scar tissue is on my right ovary. The good news is that there were no cysts on my ovaries =) We talked options and he made a referral for a consult at Womack (FYI-Wilford Hall in San Antonio is not taking ANYONE right now for IVF) and I think Walter Reed. IUI is still a possibility but if we wanted to do that locally we’d be paying out of pocket about $1000. I called P and told him that I had agreed to the consult. He wasn’t super excited but I explained that it was just a consult and that we agreed to talk more about everything tonight when I get home.

FYI-there is no real reason to explain why lower stages of endometriosis cause infertility though about 30% of infertile women have it. Also, treating endometriosis does not seem to raise fertility rates in infertile women. I asked him about it getting worse and he said that worsening was a distinct possibility which is why I really need to get preggo as soon as I can.

Oh, and my dr hugged me when I left and said “Do you know how you looked, sitting there crying in the hall? I’m sorry that you had to get upset.” I told him that after 2 yrs of fertility meds I was used to crying at the drop of a hat and that if I had just left, he’d never have seen me Seriously, love this dr!