This is a blog post I had not intended to write but felt the need to write after a discussion that P and I had tonight.
P has been working over night, on and off, for the past week. I had not seen him since yesterday morning and did not expect to see him until tomorrow night but thankfully he was able to come home tonight. Of course, like a good wife =p, I asked him about his day-that’s when he dropped somewhat of a bomb. “X’s wife cleaned out their bank account while we were in the field.” (Obviously the guy’s name isn’t X but I am protecting the identity of the innocent.) Apparently X and his wife had been having some issues so she cleaned out the back account and we assume took off. This kicked off our pre-deployment conversation. It goes something like this:
P- “You love me?”
Me- “Of course, darling.”
P- “You’re not gonna get tired of waiting for me for 12 months?”
Me- “Of course not. You’re my love. You better not cruise the dating websites when you’re bored in the desert.”
P-*rolls his eyes* “All I’ll be doing is working out and focusing on the mission while I’m there. Seriously, I don’t what I’d do if you did that” (referring to what X’s wife did while he was in the field for a few days.”
Me- “I could never do that, well unless you cruised the dating websites like S’s husband did and found an online girlfriend while deployed. Then I could do it.”
By this time we were at the restaurant. To be clear, neither P nor I have a trust issue with each other. It’s a reassurance conversation that we seem to have every so often. It’s a damn shame that soldiers even have to worry about cheating spouses/partners when they are deployed. I have heard of too many stories and it hurts my heart. I cannot imagine even thinking about cheating while P is gone. Some people ask things like “I can’t imagine going without sex for so long-there’s no way that I could do it.” Well, if you’re relationship is centered around sex, then no, you couldn’t do it. This coming deployment will be my first long one with P (his other one was only a few months) but I truly don’t think that sex will be the first thing in my mind (I really don’t think that it will even be in the top 5). Not that sex isn’t important but there are way more important things in my opinion.
I’m not blogging about this upcoming deployment to get attention or to get any kudos. It’s funny because when people talk about how hard it must be to be a military spouse, I just don’t truly get it because I’ve only been married to a military man. I don’t know anything different so I don’t know if it’s easier to be the wife of someone in another career choice. I mean, intellectually yes, I understand what people mean by that and yes, being without him for a year will suck but I’ve had him at home for 3.5 years which is great in the Army world. I’ve been preparing for a possible deployment for months and I know that P is ready to deploy and “do his job”.
We’ve also been focusing on the positive parts of the big D-We will be almost completely debt free, have a decent saving account and hopefully be able to start an IRA by the end of it. We will be able to save up some money for IVF (I’m doing this even if we get a BFP before he leaves because we want at least 2 children). We will be able to write each other beautiful love letters and cards. Yes, I am really in that zen of a place right now that I can focus on the positive and not the negative of my husband deploying for a year.
I’m sure I’ll be a mess when he leaves. I miss him even when he’s gone for a few days. I’m sure he’ll be a mess, too. We’ll be okay, though….we always are <3