Say what?!?!?!?! x 2

Ok, so she’s open to an open family adoption….supposedly. She and I texted for HOURS the other night. I really don’t like the idea of her coming here especially without having paperwork done first. She’s currently living in a sober living home (and no, people who live in sober homes aren’t necessarily sober)-she’s moved like 5 times in 5 months-but she said that she’s only paid up through May 2nd, then she has to move. I asked where she was going to live after that and she said with her mom, then her aunt and then she was coming here to LA. I asked where she was going to live after leaving here and she said that she “guessed” back in the sober living home. You guess???? *blink, blink* How do you not know where you’re going to live??

I am not comfortable with her being here for any length of time. Yes, I realize that she is potentially giving us her child but she is a recovering addict with mental health issues and quite frankly I don’t need the additional stress right now. I planned to get all the forms off the internet and mail them to her along with instructions and a letter but she won’t tell me where she lives and says she doesn’t have a mailing address. I have also found out that the necessary adoption forms can actually be found at the public library, then we can complete them and file them with the court. I am also going to somehow nicely insist that I fly out there to pick up Starr. I just do NOT want to be in the position of kicking her out of our home because she wont leave. I also do NOT want to be used just because her ass doesn’t have a place to live.

Later that evening she texted me about how she wants S to get married young, like 16 yrs and to an Army man. *WTF?* Her reasoning is that she doens’t want to be an old grandma. This is what I have to deal with on an almost daily basis and is one of the reasons that I want to fly my ass to CA right now. For the love of God, people like her are fertile and others of us have issues.

I have texted her today and she has not texted back. I called my local CPS office and confirmed that yes, we need actual guardianship papers from CA. I also emailed CPS in CA and told them details about the situation and asked how long it would take to get guardianship. I also asked about intiating guardianship even though we live in LA. Someone other than R needs to raise this baby.

On the infertility front, I received a call back from my doctor’s head nurse. I have a refill left on my Metformin so that should be a problem for me to get and she is going to do her best to get me an order for the Femara. Now for the interesting part-remember how I said that the dr was doing a referral for a consult to Womack? Well apparently he didn’t, he did a referral to a specialist in Lafayette, LA. Whatever, TriCare never got that referral so the nurse is going to ask him to do a referral to Wilford Hall. What’s funny is I specifically remember the dr and I talking about doing a local referral and him saying that it would probably cost me $1000 for IUI here so why not just go ahead, get the referral for IVF at Womack and put that $1000 towards that-makes perfect sense. So yeah, I am thoroughly confused now but hopefully I will have a referral to Wilford Hall by the end of the week and then I can get on the waiting list for a consult. Ain’t infertility grand?

Her: I want her to have a nice life like my mom.

Me: What was her life like?

Her: She had 3 kids, was always married and her husbands took care of her.

Me: I would hope that she’d only get married once and that she would be able to take care of herself, not necessarily depend on a man.

She is seriously f’ing nuts. Her mother was not monogamous in ANY of her marriages, she was/is on drugs, has a gambling problem, was homeless a few months ago and her sons-P and Calvin-can’t stand her. Also, Rosa wass sexually abused by one of moms boyfriends.

If she backs out of this, I will be calling CPS as soon as I can find out what sober home she’s living in. She doesn’t need to be responsible for a child at this point in her life.

ETA: I am tempted to let her just do the damn notarized letter that she wants to do, me fly out to get Starr and then go to CPS here and file for custody. I plan to call my local CPS tomorrow and see what my options are. Straight up, her crazy ass is not coming here.

The post op appointment that almost wasn’t

Ok, so here goes. . . .

I left my house early to get to my 1300 appt b/c I knew that traffic is heavier at lunch. Well, it took me 45 fucking minutes to get to the dr’s office-it normally takes me maybe 15. I get there and the receptionist was rude about me being late even though I told her about the traffic and let her know that it was a post-op appt. She loudly talked to the head nurse who told me that I’d have to reschedule b/c it was already time for Dr. M’s next appt. I was about to burst into tears so I said that I’d call back to reschedule and I walked off.

I knew that I couldn’t walk through the hospital bawling so I sat down on the floor by the elevators, crying and proceeded to write 3 expletive filled text messages to P about the whole situation. I was crying, wiping tears and about to rant about it on here when Dr. M walked down the hall and saw me. He stopped and asked me why I was sitting on the floor crying. I proceeded to tell him that they told I couldn’t see him, etc and he laughed (not loud; more like a giggle) and waved me up and walked me back to the exam room saying “of course I’ll see you.” *sticking out my tongue* <——what I wanted to do to those meanie bitches as I walked past.

Now the real update:
I am healing well but I do have Stage 2 (there are 5 Stages) endometriosis. The only real scar tissue is on my right ovary. The good news is that there were no cysts on my ovaries =) We talked options and he made a referral for a consult at Womack (FYI-Wilford Hall in San Antonio is not taking ANYONE right now for IVF) and I think Walter Reed. IUI is still a possibility but if we wanted to do that locally we’d be paying out of pocket about $1000. I called P and told him that I had agreed to the consult. He wasn’t super excited but I explained that it was just a consult and that we agreed to talk more about everything tonight when I get home.

FYI-there is no real reason to explain why lower stages of endometriosis cause infertility though about 30% of infertile women have it. Also, treating endometriosis does not seem to raise fertility rates in infertile women. I asked him about it getting worse and he said that worsening was a distinct possibility which is why I really need to get preggo as soon as I can.

Oh, and my dr hugged me when I left and said “Do you know how you looked, sitting there crying in the hall? I’m sorry that you had to get upset.” I told him that after 2 yrs of fertility meds I was used to crying at the drop of a hat and that if I had just left, he’d never have seen me Seriously, love this dr!