Yes doctor, I am SURE that I’ve never been pregnant

DH’s urologist must have asked me that 10 times during the appointment yesterdya. Please doc, twist the knife harder. Oh and while you’re at it, remind me that at age 33.5 yrs I am getting older and need to get pregnant as soon as possible-oh wait, you DID remind me of that. And no, we don’t know why the first IUI with 55 million sperm didn’t knock me up but thatnks for asking. If I was still drinking alcohol I would’ve gotten tanked last night after that appointment.

Dr. Island (he had a Jamaican accent) has diagnosed DH with prostatitis. It is treatable but can be resistant to medications. Dr. Island prescribed 2 weeks of a new antibiotic and a prescription anti-infammatory. We then have to go back to Dr. Island on the 23rd to get the results of the SA. Both doctor and patient are confident that this will work. I am on the pessimistic/realistic side and realize that it might not work. I have done my research on it and I actually know a fellow TTC’er whose husband has been dealing with it for about 6 months. I am not letting DH in on my pessimism because I firmly believe in the mind body connection and I want him to have positive energy in his body.

I’ve also been looking at some non-medicine ways to treat this, so there will be a few changes that he will have to incorporate into his life. There will be no alcohol (hence why I’m not drinking either) from now until his next SA on the 21st (at the least-might just keep on with the not drinking). He will also be drinking lots of water, taking hot baths, making possible diet changes (looking into this in more detail as I type) and, um….. not to be crude but…..releasing himself more frequently. I am working to get him to give up energy drinks….I might have to play subliminal tapes for that one.

Of course while he has prostatitis, all of our infertility treatments are on hold which sucks. Oh yeah, and remember my last blog about the deployment, well word on the street is that it’s gotten move up to an evern EARLIER date. DH is no tyring to get an earlier report date to his new unit so that he can have more time with them before deployment. Surprisingly, I am not freaking out yet. I think that I’ve gone into survival mode which is a good thing. NOw I start making a list of what needs to be done proir to us moving….God help me.

Determination

So, it looks like hubs will be deploying sooner than we originally thought which means we are on an even tighter time schedule as far as infertility treatments. Shockingly, I’m ok. In fact I am determined to get pregnant before he leaves, no matter what it takes. And yes, by no matter what I mean IVF is needed. We’d have to take out a loan but at this point it’s worth it to us.

Hubs has his urology appointment tomorrow and I’ll be going with him. A part of me is nervous that maybe this leukocytospermia is chronic or permanent. I realize, of course, that is most likely not the case but still, whatever is going on did not respond to a month of Cipro so it HAS to be something difficult to fight. Hopefully we’ll get closer to answers after tomorrow’s visit.

Eh, that’s really all that’s going on now in our little world. Off to bed soon….the past few weeks insomnia is finally catching up with me. Tylenol PM is now my best friend

Giving up and giving thanks

I started off this month charting my fertile symptoms and BBT. I was gooad at it for about a week and then insomnia hit me. From what I’ve read, to get an accurate BBT you need to take it after you’ve been laying down for at least 4 hours. Well that hasn’t happened since last Thursday night. Either the dogs constantly wake me up, P wakes me up or I just can’t sleep. So BBT charting went out the window. I’ve also had ZERO signs of ovulation and today is CD 13, so theoretically I should be having signs that it’s approaching if I’m actually gonna ovulate. So because of the lack of symptoms and no longer charting temps, I am not going to use OPKs this month. I cannot tell you how freeing it has been to not worry about POAS at all and just having fun sex

In keeping with the Thanksgiving season, here is a list of some of the things that I am thankful for this year :
1. My awesome, understanding husband who tolerates my crazy hormone induced mood swings. He is wonderful and I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
2. My new Twitter and blog friends. It has been so wonderful to have people who completely understand IF and all the emotions that come with it. Seriously, y’all ROCK!
3. My IRL friends who have been such an awesome support system over the past months. LOVE YOU <3
4. My zoo of furbabies who snuggle me and lick away my tears.
5. My wonderful family and awesome in-laws <3
6. My job. I seriously love my job and the friends that I've made here. I will be sad to leave but I know that I have found lifelong friends here.
7. My health insurance that pays for the testing and drugs associated with IUI. (Hopefully it works the next time around and we don't have to worry abour funding IVF.)
8. My health. Other than PCOS and endometriosis I am healthy and happy.

There is way more to be thankful for but I am having blogger ADD right now thanks to the 2 cups of coffee I've had today. I'm sure I'll be adding to this list when I am more focused

Fertility Diet, so far

Ok, I read 80 pages of The Fertility Diet and so far I am loving it. It makes a lot of sense and it explains things very clearly. The chapters I’ve gotten through cover carbs, fat. PCOS and the specifics of fertility. I’ll try to share some of that knowledge with y’all but I won’t have details right now because I left the book in the car and I’m too lazy to get it right now :-p

Nutritionally speaking, here’s a short breakdown of what I’ve learned about fats: poly- and monounsaturated fats are good and we should eat them. Saturated fats are bad (except dairy-need one full fat serving/day to increase fertility. Avoid low- and no fat dairy) and trans fats are the devil. Seriously, the US needs to ban trans fats. One reputable health/medical association (can’t remember which one and again I am too lazy to get the book at the moment) estimates that approximately 260,000 heart related incidents could be avoided every year if we just banned trans fats. Seriously, it’s so gross when you read about how it’s made, how it’s used and what it does to your body. Not only is is bad for your cardiovascular system, it is also SOOOOOOO very bad for women’s reproductive systems. Like, terrible bad. I was amazed. And I was amazed at how little-only 4g per day-could adversely affect my reproductive system. I was also amazed at how it’s in SOOOOOOO many prepared foods. And did you know that if a food has .5g or less, the company can STILL package it as having 0g of trans fat?! So that means lots of label reading, people. The key phrase to avoid is “partially hydrogenated”-MEMORIZE THAT. Here’s the American Heart Association’s info page on trans fats.

Now on to carbs. A few years ago South Beach and Atkins diets had me avoiding carbs. Boy was I wrong. We NEED carbs, especially the complex carbs that are slow to breakdown. And guess what? We PCOS-ers especially need to be careful about carbs. We need to focus on avoiding simple carbs-white sugars, white bread, potatoes, etc.-and eating complex carbs such as oatmeal, beans, barley, whole grain breads, whole grain pasta, brown rice, whole fruits, veggies, etc. Insulin resistance is a big problem if you have PCOS (as evidenced by the belly mush that is HANGING ON FOR DEAR LIFE even though I am working out) so avoiding the insulin rollercoaster by eating slow carbs is very important to us. Plus, everyone needs good carbs to have energy, good brain functioning and to just enjoy life!

The specifics of making babies was…..very detailed and actually eye opening. There are so many things that have to happen correctly in order for a pregnancy occur; it surprises me that anyone actually gets pregnant without trying. It’s like all the stars have to properly align, you have to stand on one foot, do a special dance, toss some salt over your shoulder and sing a special song in order for sperm to actually meet egg.

I promise to do more updates as I read the Fertility Diet and implement the 10 tips. I already eat a serving of full fat dairy everyday; exercise on a regular basis; avoid trans fats; and have decreased bad carbs. Only a few more tips to implement! Oh, and I will review the recipes that I try and post them here to share with everyone. If any of y’all have any fertility boosting recipes, please feel free to share them on here in the comments

Ok, bed time. I can hardly think straight. Hope that the heat works b/c it’s COLD tonight.

Beer, wings and football

We had a blast last night. We haven’t had that much fun on a date in a long time. We made friends with people sitting around us and had an all around awesome time. We used to have nights like that frequently when we lived in Savannah but here there just aren’t many choices of places to go. Anyway, I love dating my husband-we always have so much fun

And now we are relaxing with the zoo before we start another work week. Life is good.

Friday Thoughts

Coming into work today, there was a different feeling on the Army post. There was more security at the gate. The guards were all businees, not there usual friendly selves. There is just an overall feeling of unease in the air. I hope that it goes back to normal soon.

I’ve been doing some research today about leukocytospermia. It looks like getting rid of the infection, whatever it is, is the only real course of action. I have a great Twitter friend who is going to also send me information about improving sperm naturally b/c I figure that anything we do can only help. We are grocery shopping tomorrow so I plan to fill our cart with tons of healthy foods. Fruits, veggies and lean proteins have GOT to at least help it a little bit. A small part of me is concerned that somehow this might be chronic or permanent. That would really break my heart. I really can’t wait for him to be able to see a urologist which will hopefully happen in the next week or so.

Speaking of infertility, I have to get some fasting bloodwork done Monday morning so that I can get refills of Metformin. The Army dr who orginally prescribed it for me is gone so my RE just wants me to have a liver panel done, then he will call in my prescription to the local pharmacy. Love my RE. I don’t even have to go to his office for the bloodwork, I can go to the Army hospital right here.

So yeah, I’m doing better today with this whole IUI#3 being on hold indefinitely. This weekend I plan to drink wine (and maybe beer), eat some organic frozen pizza and relaxing. Once AF rears her ugly head I am going to start charting on Fertility Friend. Yes, that’s right-I’m gonna chart for the next few months. I might drive myself crazy but I have to have SOME sort of control over my fertility issues. That reminds me, I must buy a BBT thermometer today. Hope that they carry those in the commissary.

A longer break

I just talked to the nurse. Hubs’s sample is still a no go, so now he has to see a urologist. Looks like IUI #3 is on hold indefinitely. I am so frustrated and upset right now. Not at hubs just at the situation. We’ll be lucky if we can get in 2 more IUIs before we have to PCS to Colorado.

My boss/friend, ever the Pollyanna, raised a good positive point, though. Maybe this infection (or whatever it is) has been going on for several months and just now got bad enough to detect. Maybe it’s the reason that the first IUI didn’t work. Maybe with my body on a break, me getting healthier and hubs getting this issue resolved, just maybe IUI #3 will work. I hope that she’s right.

Cycle Day what?

Unbelievably, I realized yesterday that I didnot know what CD I was on. I literally had to take out my calendar and look. I honestly cannot tell you the last time that has happened. Normally I know right off the top of my head what CD I’m on and I am counting down to CD28 to POAS. Not this time. I have to admit that although it feels amazingly freeing, it also feels weird because I am so accustomed to keeping up with CDs, symptoms, medicines, etc. This month I used OPKs, had sex and that’s it. I’ve enjoyed wine, beer, wings and Mexican food. This weekend I plan to enjoy more beer while I watch football. It’s actually a wonderful break but at the same time I can’t wait to get back in the game.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve got my body back. My tummy pooch, though still there, is now back to it’s normal size as are my boobs. My mood swings are back to normal and my sleeping pattern has returned to somewhat normal. It’s actually pretty awesome to open up my closet and actually fit into all of my clothes again.

To help in getting my body back and into even better shape, I have been sticking with P90X. A wrench was thrown into my plans this week (what shold’ve been the week 5 workout) because I have a sinus infection and chest congestion. Obviously I have not been able to exercise-I can’t even sleep through the night without coughing. I have 4 make-up workouts to do so I am considering do them over the weekend if I feel up to it; if not then I will just be adding them as I go along. I continue to be amazed at how quickly my body responds to exercise and diet changes. I get results super fast, except of course in my lower belly. Oh well, I’ve lived with it for 33 yrs, I can live with it for a while longer.

Back to getting back in the game, I just ordered The Fertility Diet book. I have been generally following the recommendations for the past couple of months but I wanted to get the book and really dive into it. I want to learn all about the diet as well as get some more ideas on recipes. I am really looking forward to getting the book and learning even more about the diet. I figure that it can’t hurt anything and maybe that it+exercise+fertility self massage for endometriosis+IUI might just =a baby or two

Wings, water and a plan

Today we went to the RE so that P could get tested and we can start IUI #3. After the appt (no, we don’t have answers yet but expect to have them soon) we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for a late lunch. Normally we’d drink beer with wings but since it’s Monday, I’m sick and we both have to work tomorrow we had water. Some how this provided the perfect opportunity to discuss IF and our options. I think it was the perfect b/c we are on an IUI break this month so my hormones/emotions are relatively stable. So, we came up with a plan…..kind of :-p

We have time to do about 4-5 more IUIs here before we move to our next duty station. Hopefully we will get pregnant before we move so then we don’t have to worry about the rest of the plan :-p If not, then we plan to evaluate exactly what we want to do in CO. For sure I will start acupunture and focusing more on alternative/natural ways to improve things. *I would start acupunture here but there is not an acupuncturist near us.* We want to buy a home and pay off our remaining credit cards when we move to CO, so we are just not sure about committing to getting more in debt with IVF at that time. Also, my hubs will most likely deploy next year so we are on a time crunch as far as referrals and infertility treatments. What we do know is that we are not ready to seriously consider adoption just yet. We both strongly feel and want to be birth parents to our children. Not saying that either path is better than the other, we just not ready to consider the one path just yet.

Another good thing that came out of today’s conversation was P’s feelings about not being able to see his son. Moving to CO will put us closer to P’s family and will make visitation somewhat doable. Of course, his ex has already said that if she decides to let P see their son, she will never let me see him. That’s a fight that I don’t feel like taking on right now so as long as P gets to see his son, I’ll be content. Like I’ve told P before, the truth about everything will come out one day, and when it does C will know the truth. P hasn’t been perfect and neither has L, C’s mother, but at least C has matured and has tried to build a parenting relationship with L. It’s a shame that she won’t grow up and do what’s best for C.

So to recap (b/c I think that I’m feverish and might be rambling)-with the infertility we will do IUIs as long as we are here. If Im not preg by the time we move to CO, I will start acupunture and other natural remedies. We will also evaluate the cost of IVF to see if it’s something that we can afford at that time.

Shit, when I write it out that simply it doesn’t seem nearly as much of a PLAN as I thought; but it actually is for us. P doesn’t like to talk much about infertility and what we will do, so today was a big step for him….to actually sit there and think 6-9 months down the road. It also makes ME feel better to have him talk about the future and our path on this infertility journey.

Ok, now I really am rambling. Time to get off the blog before I become nonsensical.

I don’t have a clever title today

I’m in a bit of an infertility funk today and I blame the Army’s mandatory fun last night. P and I were forced to be a part of the unit’s children’s costume “party”. I use the word “party” loosely b/c this was thrown together in less than 24 hours and it sucked. Anyway we were surrounded by tweens, young kids, ever so cute babies and a few pregnant women. At one point I was almost in tears but I held it together. I’m having one of those “I’m sick of my friends and me dealing with infertility. Why can’t we all just be moms or moms to be?” moods. And tomorrow we are going to hand out candy because, well, it’s an excuse to eat chocolate. Overall we’re ok, really we are. We are just ready to get on to the 3rd IUI and hope that it’s the charm.

Speaking of IUIs, we should be on our way to the RE’s clinic next week for testing. We expect to get the ok and then get on track next month. I am asking the RE to give us a beta test (blood test with numbers for those who don’t know) next time so that I don’t have to POAS and worry if it’s accurate or not. We just both want to make sure we get accurate answers after the false positives last month.

Speaking of infertility, please say a prayer for my fellow IF friends. Some are in the 2ww, some have lost a baby, some just got a BFN. We all need all the help and support that we can get.

On the workout front, things are going very well At the end of Sunday I will be 28 days through P90X. I am still excited about the program and I am thrilled with the differences that I’m seeing. I plan to do 2 workouts tomorrow (I don’t have to work until noon), 2 workouts on Saturday and one on Sunday. This is supposed to be a rest week for me but I am using it as a makeup week to catch up on the workouts that I skipped due to AF making me like poop. Yes, THAT’S how committed I am-I am doing double workouts on the weekend.

And now we wait. We wait to see if AF shows up or not. Hopefully not.