I have so many things that I want to blog about at this moment but I suppose that the I’ll begin with is a TTC update. I swear that the next blog with have little to do with hormones, injections, Wandy and timed sex.
I was going to write a blog about this IUI, number 4, being our hail mary pass for pregnancy, but the more I thought about it, the less sense it made. This is not our hail mary pass for pregnancy. This is just our hail mary pass for pregnancy before we leave Louisiana. I still fully believe that we will get our BFP, either this time or a time in the future. Since I made the decision to breathe in the positive and blow out the negative (thanks again, Circle+Bloom), I have continued to feel better and more at peace with this whole process. I didn’t cry once when I got a BFN and then AF last week. Let me rephrase that-I didn’t cry because of the BFN and AF but I did cry over other things (a subject for another blog post). I don’t feel desperate for pregnancy any more. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be pregnant and I want to be a Mommy but I refuse to let it define me any more.
One of the things I’ve done over the past few weeks is to read, for pleasure, again. I have read 2 books in 2 weeks (not including another 1 that I finished in those 2 weeks), listened to a book on tape on the drive home from Alabama and I am starting a new book tonight. (I am really thinking about doing book reviews on all the books I read-opinions?) I have 2 more books lined up to read and have decided to keep up with my GoodReads account. When I read, I read to get lost in a book. I don’t always read light hearted books. In general, I like non-fiction books more than fiction books. I like to learn about the world to open my mind and to educate myself. I cannot express how much I love reading books that have nothing to do with fertility issues, infertility cures, fertility diets, etc. Don’t get me wrong, those books are great and informative but I found that I was only reading those books and everything in my life-other than work-was once again starting to revolve around TTC, fertility challenges, RE appointments, etc. When I get that way, I am not pleasant to be around. Escaping in a good book is like a good drug to me
I have SUCKED at the whole working out for TTC. I bought a prenatal yoga video and have done it a couple of times but somehow snuggling in bed or on the couch with my husband is more tempting than exercise. I think that P is trying to get me back on track though-for Valentine’s Day he bought me a 2 year subscription to Yoga Journal. I am seriously stoked to get that and I am impressed that he was so thoughtful with the gift. Not that he’s not thoughtful, it just surprised me in a good way. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though-my first gift from him was the DVD Walk the Line. We had met once and had talked on the phone for 2 weeks. I had mentioned my love of Johnny Cash in one of our conversations and remarked that I’d not seen the movie. When I checked into the hotel, it was waiting for me. Anyway, back to me sucking at working out :-p My focus has been so much on TTC, relaxing and spending time with P that I’ve just let it slide. I swear, that I will change and improve. At least my eating is better.
Back to the TTC update Had a date with Wandy yesterday (aka, an internal ultrasound) and I had ZERO cysts! My uterine lining looked great and I got the calendar with this month’s protocal-25mg of Femara last night, 100iu Follistim nightly for 5 nights starting tomorrow and 200mg of Prometrium (a form of progesterone) nightly starting the night after the IUI. Yes, that’s right, I have to take Prometrium again. That shit is straight from hell. I was a wreck on it the last time that I took it, and then I only took it for 2 days. This time I’ll be on it for 2 WEEKS! Yeah, I am not amused but apparently I need more than the 90mg of progesterone that Crinone was giving me. God help me (and anyone who has to interact with me) when I am on that devil medicine.
I feel like this has been a rambling blog post, which is kind of how my thoughts have felt lately. More blog posts to come…..