Not pregnant

Beta was negative. I am devastated. I can’t stop crying. I am terrified to do FET, which won’t happen til P gets home (my choice).

To all my friends, you are amazing. The love & words of support mean more than I can ever explain <3

4dp5dt

For those of you who think that one of the kids or furbabies typed the title, that’s 4 days post 5 day transfer

My boss ordered me to not come into work today-she wants me to have another day of bed rest. So I took the kiddos to preschool and I am camped out on the couch My plan today is TV, snuggling with dogs, napping and eating. Oh, and trying not to obsess about this whole IVF thing…..

So here in the spirit of not obsessing, here’s what’s been going on since the 5dt I have been exhausted and hungry like all the time! I am sure that a lot of me being tired is due to the progesterone supplement but the appetite, I have no idea. My boobs are sore and huge (thank you progesterone) and I am peeing more during the night. I’ve had a couple of bouts of random nausea and I am craving steak and baked potatoes like every day. I also had cramping on and off yesterday and one weird cramping episode that actually woke me up at 0330 in the morning. I am praying that those were implantation pains.

So yeah….I am remaining super hopeful and praying literally all the time that this is our cycle. I go for my bets test next week, right before P’s birthday…a BFP with a strong beta number would be the best present ever!

We have 1 snowbaby!!!

The clinic called today to update me on our one remaining embaby. The embryologist said that it looked great, graded it at a AA (the highest/best) and said that they are able to freeze it! I. AM. SO. HAPPY

PUPO!!!

I now have 2 embabies in me Everyone at Conceptions was super optimistic and wonderful today-the nurse even hugged me as I left.

We have the possibilty of freezing 1 embaby-the other 3 didn’t make it. I am praying that these 2 embabies stick & that our other one makes it to freezing.

I have to give a shout out to my Twitter friends. They have been amazing. To y’all, I love ya & I’m praying that all of us who are PUPO or in the 2ww get our BFPs and healthy babies <3

This time tomorrow…..

I will be PUPO! I cannot believe it. My best work friend is keeping the babes tomorrow and I have arranged play/diaper/sleeping areas in the TV room for my couch rest time. Tomorrow morning I will make baked oatmeal and poppy seed chicken casserole so that I don’t have to stand on my feet on actually cook Movies have been rented through RedBox and we also have plenty available On Demand (free) and in our DVD collection. The house is clean and most of the laundry is done….so I think that I am ready for tomorrow.

Now I am praying that this works and we have a new baby or two in the fall

In 48 hours…..

I will be PUPO! I am so excited and scared. I wish that P was here for all of this. Depending on other people (besides him) makes me nervous and generally uncomfortable.

Our 6 embabies are doing fine as of yesterday <3 They are all average to high quality and I won't get another update on them until the morning of the transfer. I am praying that all is well and that we get a healthy baby from this IVF cycle.

Ugh, and now I'm crying again. Damn hormones!

And then there were 6

I had my egg retrieval this morning and the RE got 6 eggs. P’s swimmers looked great after thawing and the embryologist was optimistic. My friend, Brittany, took me for the ER and watched the kids….yeah, they had to come with us since we got some snow and the preschool had a late open of 8am. She took them to McD’s to play while I was there. From the time I got there until I was released was about 90 min. I do very well with the twilight anasthesia

So now we wait and pray that they fertilize and that we end up with a healthy baby. I cannot thank y’all enough for all of the support through out all of this….seriously, I could not do it without y’all.

IVF 1.0 starts TOMORROW!!!!

To my male readers who do not want to read about bodily fluids unique to females, too bad

So remember how I met with Nurse Awesome (that’s her new nickname, I’ve decided) in October and we figured out that if AF stayed regular, we’d have to push IVF to the end of January? (The reason for that is because the embryologists have down time around the end of Dec for the holiday season.) Well, AF was late last month (which was incredibly frustrating for me since there was no way I was with child) and she was right on time this month (incredibly heartbreaking since it was our last natural TTC cycle). So I called Nurse Awesome to let her know that CD1 was yesterday since they want to keep track of that before IVF. She called back and left a message about calling in birth control for the next 2 cycles for a January IVF. I called back, left a message and said “that’s fine” and told her what pharmacy I use. Then she called back with fan-freaking-tastic news

She double checked the calendar and realized that if I start bc tomorrow, and continue taking active ones through December 24th WE CAN START STIMS ON THE 26TH!!!!! This is a whole month ahead of schedule which is freaking amazing and it’s the original time that P and I decided that we wanted to do it. I am excited and nervous and full of HOPE that this will work for us.

So I now have roughly 4 weeks to get in the best shape possible-I CAN SO DO THIS. Tonight I am having my last bottle of wine for what I hope is a very long time Tomorrow I will be heading to the studio for Zumba and TRX, which will continue until the doctor says I need to slow down. Tomorrow I will also be getting my bc pills, Metformin refill, Folgard refill and Prenatal refill. Oh, and I’ll be setting a therapy appointment tomorrow!

For real, I am stoked for this. I really am. I am determined to remain hopeful and optimistic through this process. We WILL be parents <3

The countdown to IVF 1.0

Well, R&R is over (please read my deployment blog for details) and I am not miraculously pregnant. We both knew it was a long shot but I had so many good signs of ovulation…*sigh* Guess tonight I’ll finish off the beer and wine in the house to drown my sorrows.

If AF decides to stay on schedule, IVF 1.0 will happen in late January. That gives me 2 cycles to get my body in tip top shape for baby making. Between all the eating out and drinking we did over R&R, I have about 15 lbs to lose before starting the IVF medications. The clinic did not tell me to lose weight but I want to lose it because 1) I need to fit into my clothes and 2) I will put on weight with the stimulating medications. I have been a total slacker in the fitness area due to a 4 week long respiratory infection (I *hate* viruses) and then 2 weeks of having P home. Starting tomorrow, I’ll be back on track with Zumba and eating. I’ll also be back in therapy to help me deal with all the stress and anxiety caused by IVF, deployment and work.

So, to all my lovely friends out there who have done IVF-do you have any advice for me? Here’s what I’m currently planning/doing-continue with the FertilAid and FertiliTea (you can order those here); exercise, including prenatal yoga; therapy; and possibly acupuncture. With our IUIs the only injections were Follistim and then the trigger shot. If you did others, what meds were they and did they hurt? In short, HELP PLEASE :-p

Confession time……

Last week I went to the “coordination of care” meetings at the IVF clinic. I met with the financial person, embryologist and my nurse. I was quite informative and answered lots of my questions but y’all…..I AM FREAKING OUT NOW. Not like all the time but when I stop and think about it doing it without P being here (thank you deployment), that’s when it really gets me.

I’m not scared of giving myself injections-I injected myself 99% of the time when we did IUIs-but I’m anxious about not having the in person support of him. I have great friends here IRL and in cyberspace, but nothing can replace the feeling of having my best friend, my soulmate home and emotionally supporting me. Having him hold me at night while I cry out my worry of never getting pregnant, no one else can do that.

And that brings me to something else….what if it doesn’t work? My team of people at the IVF clinic are confident but we all know that it not working is a definite possibility. Gah, I can’t think about that right now….I will lose it if I do. I haven’t been to therapy in forever…I really need to call her.

I put on a good front most of the time because with P being gone, I have been able to NOT focus on getting pregnant. Now that’s all gonna change….and I might be a crazy hormonal person again *sigh*

Of course, if we get naturally pregnant over R&R (and I stay pregnant) then I’ll be the happiest woman EVER!