Getting the ball rolling

Next week I have my first pre-IVF test, a saline sonogram. I am excited and of course nervous. This whole TTC break that we’ve been on for 4 months has been kind of nice-no dates with Wandy, no pee sticks, no blood tests-but it’s time to get back on the horse again.

If all goes as planned I’ll have the saline sonogram next week, a trial embryo transfer the next week, consultations in November and then IVF with ICSI in December. By waiting until December, we are assured that P will be back for the birth (still thinking positively). I’m nervous as hell about going through this without him being here as an emotional support but damn it, I’m ready to be pregnant!

Wonderfully, P is very positive in all of this and continues to encourage and support me all that he can from over there. Things are stressful for me right now-adjusting to deployment, trying to adopt SIL’s kids, working full time, etc-but he’s definitely doing whatever he can to help.

Speaking of adopting SIL’s kids, things are at a stand still at the moment. The caseworker should be coming back from medical leave this week so I hope to hear back from her as far as what the plan is. SIL has been calling and texting a lot…she’s still not stable and is quite paranoid. Court is next week so I am hoping for some anwers at least by then.

Apparently I am behind on blogging-I need to write at least 2 for Living The Army Life before the end of the day and I am going to write a little more upbeat one for my deployment blog when I get home later tonight. Maybe one day I can actually make a living from blogging and giving advice through the Interwebz.

Will I Ever Breathe Again?

*A quick run down of my past couple of weeks: Moved over 1000 in a Tahoe with 4 dogs, 2 cats and P. Wound up in the ER with a bad UTI. FIL came for a 7 day visit less than a week after we moved. Got so sick, thought that I had H1N1. Called in sick to my job on my first day. Bought a 42″ LCD TV. Bought a (used) Chevy Silverado for P. Ate at BWW way too many times. Went to Whole Foods way too many times and loved it.

My allergies are in high gear right now. I am sneezing, coughing and my sinuses are constantly clogged. Every time I blow my nose there is blood I am doing a saline sinus rinse daily but I am seriously ready for my body to adjust to my new environment. I was so sick last weekend that I spent all day Friday in bed with a fever. Saturday I medicated myself and stupidly went with P and FIL to Pike’s Peak. We drove up to mile 15 (it’s 19 miles but the last 4 were closed due to snow or something) and I thought I was gonna die. My chest hurt and I couldn’t breathe well in that altitude. Taking a deep breath hurt. When we got home I crashed. Woke up Sunday morning with a fever of 101 and was convinced that I had H1N1. I was supposed to start work on Monday but instead spent time at the doctor’s office. Diagnosis, respiratory infection brought on by altitude sickness. Tweeters, remember that nausea I had during the 2ww? Yeah, it was altitude sickness. Apparently it’s quite common here when people move from a different climate. The doctor gave me some meds and I am thankfully doing much better now.

Us at mile 15 at Pike's Peak

On the way down

I want to say a special thanks for all of the kind comments after my BFN. This one was the hardest in a long time. I am doing better and am back on the TTC rollercoaster. This month we will be trying on our own but we have both started taking FertilAid. I was charting my BBT but my dogs chewed up my thermometer and I’ve had trouble finding another one. Hopefully I’ll be able to find one today so that I can start temping again tomorrow.

There is a huge positive that happened to me this week. I learned that my job has 3 insurance plans that cover infertility treatment, including IVF! I emailed the HR benefits person and should be hearing back from her tomorrow regarding cost, how to sign up and if there is a pre-existing condition clause. If we can get this, it would cover $15,000 in infertility testing and treatment. I don’t need any major testing done (it’s all been done) so we’re looking at being able to use all of it for IVF. I am being cautiously happy about this. I just feel like it’s a dream and I’m gonna wake up to find out it’s not true. This would be an answer to our prayers. I realize that if we do this, there’s no guarantee that IVF would work the first time but at least we would (hopefully) have snowbabies to use for an FET cycle.

Tomorrow I will be starting the Couch to 5k program. I will probably add on to the workout with daily yoga and ab work every other day. I have 15 lbs that need to go. I am sick of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I used to run regularly and I loved it! I am currently doing some research, trying to find races in the area so that I have a firm goal to reach. I would eventually like to do a half marathon and a sprint triathlon I know that I have it in me, I just have to start training again like I used to when I lived in AL.

I am in love with Whole Foods. Seriously, in love. I love everything about that store and plan to buy produce, seafood and meat only at Whole Foods. I cannot explain how wonderful it is to finally have healthy, organic choices after living in Louisiana for 2 years. It’s amazing. We’ve gone there 3 times already and will be making another trip there today

I love Colorado, in spite of the allergies and altitude sickness. I feel at home here. I never felt that way in Louisiana but I felt that way in Savannah. It’s great to feel that way again. Once my allergies are under control I promise to go out and take wonderful pictures to share with y’all

Christmas spirit, I need it

Today was a bad day but it’s now better. For once, I don’t want to spill my guts about the details. In general it was because P and I are both stressed about moving, finding a home, deployment and infertility. We were supposed to get a tree and decorate it today but instead we have been laying around all day, recuperating from our day trip to the Natchitoches Christmas Festival yesterday. We walked so much yesterday that I count it as a workout. The parade was good, the lights were fantastic and the fireworks were great Oh and time with our friends was awesome. Good food, good times and great cold weather.

I spent a lot of time with our friend F’s niece. Her daddy is a college student and let me say, him and his girlfriend were absolutely awesome. They opened their home to us, fed us some great food and made us feel welcome. They are also incredible parents. The niece, B is incredibly cute and by the afternoon had completely warmed up to me-playing peek-a-boo and wanting me to hold her. Can we say baby pangs? I loved holding her and playing with her. She is the cutest little tot and was dressed in a Santa dress and hat. Too freaking cute.

Today I actually thought of giving up on ever conceiving. I don’t know why but the thought crossed my mind about just stopping trying to conceive and just moving on to adopting. I re-thought it, which is why I want the word ‘hope’ tattooed on the inside of my right wrist. P is *this close* to okaying it and another friend shared a great tattoo script with me. I am psyched to get it.

Ok, I am rambling. I’m off to chat with my TTC gals. Oh yeah, my fab DH let me order Uggs for Xmas and I should be getting them in about 5 business days. Can. NOT. Wait.

I know we’re on a break but….

we’re almost back on track and I’m excited!!! We are going to the RE on Friday to have P tested to make sure that the white blood cells are gone. I’m also going to talk to the him about ordering a beta test after the next IUI. I am just leery about POAS’ing again after the false positives last month. Our insurance will pay for the gas and meals for the drive/time dow there so making an extra trip is not a big deal. I’m just ready to get back on the IUI track.

I also said that I wasn’t going to temp or use OPKs this month but I couldn’t help myself. I started having twinges of ovulation pain so I bought some good OPKs and started POAS’ing last night. I did it twice yesterday and already once today-all negative. My CM is increasing so I am gonna to POAS tonight to see if we have a +OPK yet. Either way, we are BD’ing daily which started over the weekend. So no matter what we’re having fun

I’m back on the workout track and DETERMINED to not let ANYTHING derail me. I need to make up 4 workouts so instead of doing the “rest week” in P90X, I am doing 3 of the workouts this week rather than what is scheduled. Basically instead of 2 days of Core Synergistics and 2 days of Yoga X, I will be doing 1 day of Yoga,1 day of Plyometrics and 2 weights/abs workouts. I am in love with P90X and can’t believe that I’m already in Week 4!!! My arms and legs are looking awesome and I’m already feeling a difference in my abs. Seriously, best workout ever.

My attitude adjustment has stuck, though I’ve still had a few down times over the weekend. Nothing that didn’t pass relativley quickly. WE’ll see if any of that changes once injectibles are atarted again. I’m lucky that I have a great support system in real life and in the internet world. It’s makes this journey much easier.

The Pros and Cons of IUI/Infertility

So I decided to sit down and think about the positives of this whole process. Of course I also want to list the negatives-to get them on here and out of my mind-but I’m trying to look at this objectively.

Pros
I finally quit smoking FOR REAL. During the regular TTC and even the medicated TTC before the IUI, I continued to smoke some of the time. Yeah, yeah, no lecture needed. Once we started the IUI process, I realized that I could actually maybe get pregnant. Smoking was done.

My diet has improved. I’m eating more produce; more whole foods-whole fat cheese, whole fat yogurt; less processed stuff and I’m actually reading labels to make informed choices! No more MSG, much less artificial sugar, no more soy protein, only caffeine is green tea and more organic foods are now consumed.

My hubs and I are closer and our communication has improved. When you have to talk to your hubs about cervical mucous, follicles, menstrual cycles and the wand, there is really nothing that you can’t talk about. He’s held me while I’ve cried over a BFN and made me laugh through the tears. Love. This. Man.

We’ve had PLENTY of time to discuss most every aspect of parenting. We agree on discipline, religion and general parenting practices. My hubs indulges me in my hippie ways and is fine with cloth diapers, breast feeding for as long as possible and me wearing the baby(ies) in a sling. It’s nice to know that we’ve actually had real grown-up discussions about these things and have come to an agreement.

We have a FOR REAL chance of having twins Yes, I want twins and have wanted twins for as long as I can remember. So I pray every night for at least one baby but I gently remind God that 2 at once would be great.

I get to drive to a bigger city on a regular basis to see my RE which means that I get Starbucks more than once a month. We don’t have a SB here so yes, that is a big deal to me.

Meeting new friends on the internet Seriously, don’t know how I’d do this without the support of them and my IRL friends.

Cons
$400/cycle that we could be using to pay off debt is going to the IUI. Yes, we are incredibly thankful that we have some coverage but would still like to use that money to pay off debt.

The RAGING side effects from the injectibles are not fun. Having a “baby bump” with no baby inside sucks.

The risk for multiples is increased. Twins, awesome. Sextuplets, not so awesome.

The wand. Enough said.

Not being a mommy yet. Biggest con of all.

I’m sure that there’s more but that’s all that I can think of at the moment. Fellow infertile gals feel free to add to either or both lists

One day I’ll work out again….

Ugh, I feel like a fat slob. I haven’t worked out regularly in weeks b/c of fertility drugs (made me exhausted and nauseous), the IUI (didn’t want to mess up any possible implantation) and then AF (super horrible flow and cramps). Tomorrow we are starting back on P90X Week 4 no matter what. Thankfully Week 4 has 2 rest days so we only have to double up on one day to do the whole week in 4 days. And I’m not going to take a complete 2 week break from exercise while waiting to see if I get pregnant. I’ll rest for the first couple of days but that’s it-life can’t stop just because I might, maybe, possibly be pregnant.

At least I feel like I’m eating better this week. I’m trying to follow the recommendations from the Fertility Diet. For lunch I’ve been eating spinach salads with sunflower seeds, acorns, full fat feta and lots of veggies in it. I’ve been eating more beans-well black beans-whole grains and more fruits. For months I’ve been good about decreasing bad carbs, cutting out trans fat and cutting down on pre-packaged foods. Now I just have to find a way to add fish to my diet and add in some full fat dairy a few times per week. Today I had full fat milk in my decaf SB vanilla latte….it was like my version of porn. I haven’t had a full fat latte in YEARS! It was so freaking delicious!!!! I’m currently scouring the web for fertility diet recipes. If you have any please feel free to share them

Tonight it all officially starts again; at bedtime I will take my 25mg of Femara. Hopefully the nausea won’t be as bad this time. Friday I start nightly injections of 100iu of Follistim, as increase of 25iu. Hopefully this will do the trick and then I can obsessively blog about being pregnant :p

I’m either pregnant or hormones are kicking my ass

More updates

8dpiui-Tummy continues to be tender and I have random cramps-short but sharp. Still peeing at least twice per night even though I drink cranberry/blueberry juice and take a cranberry pill everyday. Still need a nap during the day and had nausea after my nap.

9 and 10dpiui- I’ve had cramping and fatigue. Tummy still tender. I took at preg test this AM and it was a BFN. AF isn’t due until Sat so it’s ok. The good part is that I now know that the hcg trigger shot is completely out of my system, so if I get a BFP on Sat it will be accurate.

11dpiui (today)- I am so incredibly emotional that it’s ridiculous. I am still getting up to pee about twice per night. I’ve been getting headaches and nausea daily for over a week. I gagged while cleaning yesterday b/c of the smell of something in the trash mixed with the smell of Tilex. My toes need to be painted but the thought of opening polish remover and having to smell it almost makes me gag.

I am testing again on Saturday which will be 15dpiui. Hopefully it’s a BFP. If not I will be drowning my sorrows with beer and bourbon.

I thought my pain was supposed to get better

So yesterday I had a thoracic epidural via a versa catheter. My thoracic area feels find today but sweet mother my lower back, where they inserted the catheter, hurts like hell. I’m at work today but I can barely walk around and I can’t bend over at all. Seriously, I want to cry. It’s like having constant lower back AF cramps. I know why it’s happening, though so at least that’s a relief. When they do this epidural the dr uses a small amount of contrast dye and they use an Xray machine to be sure that the cath is going the right place. My spinal column does NOT tolerate contrast dye well at all. When I had a myleogram done years ago for back pain, I had to miss 3 days at work b/c I could not move my back because of the pain. I really wish that I’d asked for some good painkillers because trying to sleep last night was virtually impossible. Oh well, it should be back to normal in a few days.

On the TTC front, the dr yesterday gave me a pee pregnancy test that I’m assuming was negative since they didn’t tell me otherwise. Now I’m just waiting for AF to arrive so that I can call the RE and get this ball rolling. I have become more excited and optimistic about this whole IUI thing. I feel like my hubby and I have a lot working in our favor: he is young (25 yrs old); he has PLENTY of “Champs” according to his SA; my PCOS is pretty well under control; my endometriosis is only at Stage 2; and I am physically and mentally prepared for the IUI. I have been reading up on injectibles as well as making changes in my diet. I take my pre-natals and I exercise. Plus I have wonderful IRL (in real life) friends and wonderful cyber friends that are an amazing support system to me. Of course I’ll be sure to update everyone on the IUI once AF actually comes and I actually see the RE.

Well, my hubby is actively trying to get out of this unit and post. We have a few things that we hope for and a definite top pick but you never know with the Army. My issue is that I want to be here long enough to get pregnant or move to a post where they infertility services on post rather than referring out to a civilian. My hubby wants a unit that is deploying in 2010 and a unit that will be good for his career. I had been stressing about it but for now I’ve decided to let it be and not stress. It’s the freaking Army, they pretty much do what they want anyway :-p

Just when things were back to normal….

P is going to watch the guys compete in Best Ranger at Ft. Benning. I knew that he would probably go and of course he SHOULD go b/c he’s on the team (though injured) and b/c they’re his friends. He leaves tomorrow, comes back early next week and then goes to the box (JRTC-training soldiers to be deployed) to play terrorist for 5 days. It was like having him home was just a tease. And to top it off the weekend that we had together was not so great b/c we had a HUGE fight (over nothing) and I had to take a muscle relaxer (b/c of my back) which left me hungover for the rest of the weekend. Oh yeah, and to REALLY top it all off, just when he gets back his Dad (whom I love) is soming to stay for 7 days. So basically the only alone time I will get with my hubby will be during the military ball….but we wont REALLY Be alone b/c all those other damn soldiers and their wives/girlfriends/hookers will be there.

I just started reading The Infertility Cure-The Ancient Chinese Wellness Program for Getting Pregnant and Having Healthy Babies. Wow, I have A LOT of lifestyle changes ahead of me but so far what she, the author, is saying it makes sense. I’m only into the second chapter but I have gotten all teary eyed a couple of times just from the author’s encouraging words. I’ve long believed in alternative/Eastern medicine but have not had the chance to fully experience it. I plan to fully embrace this book and the lifestyle changes that it recommends. If nothing else it will prepare my body for an IUI/IVF in the next few months.

*If you think that Chinese medicine is a bunch of bullshit, please keep your comments to yourself. I have struggled to have a child for 27 months now. I have been on hormones that have driven me mad and others that have made me burst into tears. If I have a shot in hell of conceiving the natural way then I will do it. Unless you’ve been there you can’t possibly understand.

I woke up in a surly mood today for no apparent reason. I think no I know that I am jealous that P gets to go back to the land of civilization while I stay here in Shit Town. Why don’t I go with him you ask? Well, b/c a coworker just quit and only gave 5 days notice. My other coworker is going out of state next week so that leaves me as the only counselor in the office next….so I can’t take off. Also, I want to use my days later when P and I can go to Austin and enjoy ourselves. I don’t want to waste my days on driving to GA to see guys other than my husband compete. I mean, I love Amy’s hubby and all and I hope to hell that his team wins but I don’t love him enough to drive 20 hours round trip to see him. Although when they move to San Francisco I will gladly hop on a plane to see both of them

It’s not even 10AM. This day is S-L-O-W. I guess I’ll go read more of my book and then study some stuff for a class that I have to teach in a week and a half. That’s right, I’m getting more job responsibility and I love it

Obama is a sleeper, really?

Still one of my faves from PunditKitchen

see Sarah Palin pictures

So apparently there are some people out there who still honestly beliveve that Obama is a sleeper in a terrorist organization. . . really? I am stumped by this because if he is then we have serious issues with our Secret Service. Obama has had a SS detail for the past 2 years, you’d think that they’d be able to pick up on something that significant. Not to mention that if he were part of Al Quada then that would mean that he’s Muslim and needs to practice his faith, which he hasn’t been doing. Part of that argument is that we don’t know that much about him. Really? Pick up a book, do some research! I have and I am happy to say that I know more about him than I have ever known about any past President. Seriously folks, do your research.

Now before anyone gets all pissy and thinks that I hate everyone who didn’t vote him, let me say that is not the case at all. One of my best friends didn’t vote for him because she disagrees with him politically, not because she thinks that he’s a sleeper. In fact, she is the one who read The Audacity of Hope and is now reading Dreams From My Father. If you didn’t vote for him because you disagree with some of his political views then fine; but to not vote for him because “he’s a sleeper” or just because he’s a Democrat is supremely ignorant in my opinion. The man has some really great ideas about how to fix the country and I hope that the country can unite in supporting him in trying to fix things.

On a personal note, I start a part time nanny gig on Monday. I am actually excited about it because the kids are darling, the parents are nice and they have a puppy that I plan to train. The pay is definitely not great but the commute is great-only 5 minutes-and hopefully I will end up getting more hours. As my hubby just said, if I get an offer for a better job then I have to take it but for now I will be a part time nanny.

TTC update-the surgery was moved from the 28th to the 29th. I hope we get some answers after the surgery.