A confession, I’m scared

Yes, that’s right. I’m scared about this whole IUI process. I’ve not even confessed this to the hubs. To him I just act all confident and optimistic but the truth is that I am terrified. I’m terrified of the side effects from the injectibles. I’m terrified that it won’t work. I’m terrified that it will work too well and we’ll have to do selective reduction (no judgment please-we have decided together that we don’t want a litter). I’m terrified of my own reaction if either of the previous 2 occur. I’m terrified of pregnancy-what if I have an awful pregnancy? How will I still go to work? I can’t imagine that it will fun to have morning sickness while assisting soldiers with resumes but of course I will do it. So there, the cat is out of the bag. As much as I am excited abut the IUI process, I am terrified of it. Please tell me this is normal.

Still no signs of AF and here we are at CD31. I’m waiting until CD34 (Thursday) and then I will POAS first thing in the morning. Out of the past 6 months only one cycle has gone longer that 30 days so I am not sure what’s up. I mean I know it’s PCOS and endo but I was doing so well for the last 6 months at being between 28-30 day cycles. I hope AF comes on her own because I don’t want to have to take the medicine to induce her.

I’m still going strong with the P90X Lean Program =) We took an early rest day on Friday (rest day should’ve been Sunday) because our hamstrings were KILLING us. We jumper right back into it on Saturday and did the Back & shoulders DVD (I think that was the name-lots of pull-ups; of course I did weights) and Ab Ripper X. Yesterday I did Kenpo X and that seriously kicked my ass. I am already starting to see results in my arms and legs which ROCKS!!! LIke I said before, we are not doing the nutrition plan because we don’t have the time to cook for every meal but I am preparing some dinners from the guide. I think that I am also going to prepare the healthy pancakes this coming weekend.

Speaking of this coming weekend, the hubs is taking me to the Louisiana Boardwalk on Saturday. I am so freaking pumped! I can’t wait to shop at real stores (have very few decent clothing stores here) and eat at Buffalo Wild Wings! Today I am going to do a budget and see how much we can spend while we’re there. I know we can’t spend a whole lot but I’d like to be able to buy a couple of work outfits at the Gap Outlet and maybe a couple of things at Bed, Bath and Beyond. After living in the middle of nowhere for this long I’ll just be happy to be able to window shop at decent places!



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5 responses to “A confession, I’m scared

  1. Jessica

    It’s okay to be scared–seriously. Completely understandable. ::hugs:: to you and YAY for real shopping!!

  2. Retail therapy always helps everything.

  3. emily511

    I love retail therapy. And I think being nervous is normal. Hell, I am ALWAYS nervous before surgery even though I’ve had some of the best doctors ever. So I can’t imagine an IUI. However, you’ll be ok. And you know if any decisions have to be made you and P will make the right one together.

    Oh and use the morning sickness as an excuse to pass all those dumbass 11B’s off to your coworkers :p

  4. Jen

    Hey girl. It’s completely understandable to be afraid of the IUI and all of the injectables. I admit I was a little leery of the idea of poking myself and that I would feel crazy. After all, one of Follistim’s side effects is listed as “irritability.” Seriously, you know it’s bad when it’s a listed side effect. I was very happily surprised to not feel many side effects from it. The needle parts weren’t bad either because the Follistim comes in a dial up pen. It’s one of the easiest things ever!

    You know if that you ever have any questions, you can email me or leave me a post on my page. I have found such great relief in talking about it with some of my cycle sisters!

  5. Jen

    By the way, Dr. S is great about keeping the numbers down.

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