and it was a BFN. I had literally 6 different dreams last night that I got a BFP. I feel like curling up in a ball and crying all day. I haven’t told hubs yet, didn’t want to wake him up with the bad news. So for now I am drowning my sorrows in a regular Coke, watching Food Network (love Nigella Feasts), watching my dogs play and listening to the rain.
To say I’m crushed is an understatement. I knew the chances of getting pregnant with the first IUI were not huge but I had so hoped. As of today we’ve been trying for 950 days and each month that we don’t get pregnant still hurts. I know that we’ll keep going because we both want children that are biologically ours if possible, but days like this I want to say “fuck it” and just give up. I want scream, rage and throw things but that would scare my dogs. Instead I will sit here and cry while I listen to the rain.