I’m whining again….blah

Ok, first of all I really am a strong military wife. P and I signed up for this (as in, we made the joint decision for him to re-enlist and have agreed that he will retire from the military) and we didn’t do so lightly. We knew that there would be deployments, moving, etc. We are also thankful for the benefits of him being in the military-healthcare, some infertility benefits, job stability, etc. I love being a military wife but at times, I must whine about it.

We got a bit of deployment confirmation today….unofficial but still a bit official. Confused yet? Anyway, it’s ok, we knew that he would get deployed and he needs another deployment for his career. It’s just, ugh….I don’t know how to explain to people who haven’t experienced it but I will try. I feel pride, love, anxiety, sadness, nauseous all at once. It’s knowing that in a matter of months you will say goodbye to your soulmate for many months and possibly forever. Yes, it’s not a popular topic but it’s a real one to me because two Army wives that I know on the internet lost their husbands to war. It’s not something that P or I focus on but we have talked about it and will probably talk about it more before he leaves. It’s realizing that in so many months (cannot say numbers due to OPSEC) I will be running our home on my own, with all responsibilities being mine for at least a year. Can I do that? Hell yeah I can. Do I look forward to it? No. Well, except for having complete control of the TV remote :-p It’s realizing that in less than a year’s time I will move to a new city, find a new job, buy a home, find a new fertility dr, *hopefully* get pregnant and send my husband to war. Wow. When I look at it all typed out I’m surprised that I am not a raging alcoholic by now.

I really hate to be such a downer but I have to get this out somewhere and blogging helps me organize my thoughts and emotions. P and I have been fighting much of the day today-not like all out screaming, more like bickering-because of the stress. We are fine and we know that it is the stress but knowing and being able to completely stop it are two different things. Thankfully both P and I know that we will do fine over deployment and we will come out of it stronger than ever. In fact, it’s the time before the deployment that is so difficult because you know it’s coming and sometimes the unknowns take over your head. At those times-which are actually not too often yet-I have to remind myself that we have plenty of awesome days before he leaves; that we need to continue to make time to have fun and enjoy each other; and that we cannot waste our time worrying about what might happen when he’s fighting a war. We have a great life and I know that it will only get better.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “I’m whining again….blah

  1. I’m an Army Wife also and I know how you feel. I’ve been through a 16-months Deploymnet and he could be leaving soon again, his unit is deployed right now, he’s on rear D but they are trying to send him. Which would only be til May and we would stay at Carson. His unit is in Afghan, and they are getting so messed up over there….Too many soldiers getting killed, and I’m really scared of him going back. Last Deployment he almost died, on the FOB no less. So I feel you. His deployment is up in the air right now, but they are trying so hard to send him, because they don’t like him. And I would need someone to come and help me take care of things, because my health, and don’t have anyone but Family and they can’t because they are all in College, so I’m not sure what I will do. I know what your going through so I am always here if you need to talk about this kinda stuff. And I really can’t wait to meet you!!! 🙂
    -Roxanne

  2. Liz

    I can only imagine what you’re going through…my brother is in the army, already spent 15 months in Iraq, will probably be sent to Afghanistan soon…may all our troops (and their families) stay safe!

  3. brittanyib

    *hugs* Pre-D is a crazy time hun, I think anyone who has been through it will agree. I hope you two can enjoy each other and make the most of your time together ❤ I think you'll love CO though, and there will be plenty of ways for you to distract yourself during the deployment!

  4. Jen

    Yep, I agree with Brittany. You’re allowed to feel/whine @/cry/rage about all of the above and still be a strong m-wife. The tough ones are the ones who get through deployments with a strong intact marriage. For me, whenever I found out “officially” that he would be going, the crabbiness would start. You know it’s coming. You want it to start so it can be over, but you don’t want them to leave. {hugs} I can’t wait to hear about your adventures in Colorado. It’s wonderful there!

  5. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you. You are in my thoughts!!!! Wishing you both the best of luck through all of this.

  6. Whine, yell, cry, curse…do whatever you need to do – we will listen. Thank you to you and your husband for making these sacrifices – it’s too easy for the rest of us to forget what’s going on in the lives of those who serve.

    I know you’re not celebrating christmas – but I hope you’re holidays are going well!

  7. Ugh — pre-deployment is the worst. Everybody else has already said it, but it’s a tough time, because as Jen said, you know it’s on the way, you want them to go so it can just be OVER. Hang in there, and when you start to get really frustrated, just remember it’s the stress (which is sounds like you guys have already realized!). My husband and I fought more right before both of his deployments than we ever do during regular time. Hang in there, girl!

    Brittany (@myarmywifelife on twitter!)

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