I’m ok, really

I am better today. I feel good and right about the decision to not pay $20,000 on IVF if we don’t get pregnant before our move. Taking it off the table has left me feeling calmer about everything. I just cannot fathom getting out of debt (our plan for deployment) just to get into further debt for a 50% chance of having a child. I’ll be 35 when he gets home from deployment-still young enough to consider IVF if we need it. I’m also going to speak to someone about IVF at a military installation and total what the costs would be. I know that it would involve travel and lodging costs as well as loss of wages for me having to take time off work, so I’ll have to figure out if it’s worth it. I know that P is so ready for me to be pregnant, and so am I, but I am just not ready to commit so much money for a chance.

Since going to see my family this weekend is definitely off the table, we are looking at us (or at least me) visiting them next month. I know that I will aslo visit them at least twice (hopefully more) while P is deployed but I need to see them soon before my brother deploys. *Sigh* My husband and one brother deployed at the same time. If I’m not pregnant during that time I have a feeling that much wine will be consumed.

My husband, ever the optimist, keeps assuring me that I will find a job and we will be able to buy a home. I have decided that I am going to send resumes for every job that I am even remotely qualifed for and just hope for the best. If I don’t have a job 4 weeks out from our PCS date then I will start looking for a rental home and we will just rent again for the next 2 years. I’ve gotten some good leads on homes that accept pets and hopefully will get some more before the time comes to move.

I have had random teary eyed moments today but I think that is more due to the lack of sleep last night-stress and back pain-and the hangover effect of the muscle relaxer. I’m really ok, though all of my coworkers have noticed that I haven’t been myself yesterday or today and 3 of the 5 have specifically asked me if I’m ok. I am, I really am ok. I just need sleep and lots of it.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “I’m ok, really

  1. I think sleep cures everything. I literally slept the ENTIRE weekend – hubs told me to go to a doctor – but I feel a lot better and think I’ll do the same thing next weekend.

    good plan with the resumes…fingers crossed!

  2. Misty

    I’m glad that you are feeling better today. Please don’t stress out about buying a house. If you remember, you were all stressed about buying a house when you moved to Ft. Polk. Aren’t you so relieved that you didn’t buy after all? You’d be stuck trying to sell a house in a really crap market. Now you can just pack your stuff and start over some place new with no strings attached! I’m not suggesting you never buy a house, I’m just reminding you of how sometimes when we think things aren’t going our way it’s because there are better things waiting for us up ahead.

  3. I’m glad that you’re feeling a bit better. Been thinking about you!

  4. I understand about IVF and money, that is why we are not doing it, until after he gets back from a Deployment..we are just gonna save a grand every month, and do IUI while he is gone. πŸ™‚ And if I get pregnant with IUI we will have that money for IVF that we can use for the baby intead. πŸ™‚

  5. Waiting Lisa

    With everything that is on your plate right now, I think it’s okay to not be okay.

    You are always good at coming up with plans. That’s a great skill to get you through everything.

  6. I hate when there is a big decision looming out there, and it rests so heavily on your shoulders until you make it. I’m glad you’ve made your decision and that you’re at peace with it… it would make me feel so much better too! IVF is SO expensive, I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to afford it. I’ll be saying prayers for your hubby and brother.

  7. liberalgranolagirl

    Thanks, y’all πŸ™‚ Sleep really helped-slept a total of 11 hrs or so yesterday. Woke up feeling like a new woman.

    I feel very confident and happy with the plans πŸ™‚

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