I am better today. I feel good and right about the decision to not pay $20,000 on IVF if we don’t get pregnant before our move. Taking it off the table has left me feeling calmer about everything. I just cannot fathom getting out of debt (our plan for deployment) just to get into further debt for a 50% chance of having a child. I’ll be 35 when he gets home from deployment-still young enough to consider IVF if we need it. I’m also going to speak to someone about IVF at a military installation and total what the costs would be. I know that it would involve travel and lodging costs as well as loss of wages for me having to take time off work, so I’ll have to figure out if it’s worth it. I know that P is so ready for me to be pregnant, and so am I, but I am just not ready to commit so much money for a chance.
Since going to see my family this weekend is definitely off the table, we are looking at us (or at least me) visiting them next month. I know that I will aslo visit them at least twice (hopefully more) while P is deployed but I need to see them soon before my brother deploys. *Sigh* My husband and one brother deployed at the same time. If I’m not pregnant during that time I have a feeling that much wine will be consumed.
My husband, ever the optimist, keeps assuring me that I will find a job and we will be able to buy a home. I have decided that I am going to send resumes for every job that I am even remotely qualifed for and just hope for the best. If I don’t have a job 4 weeks out from our PCS date then I will start looking for a rental home and we will just rent again for the next 2 years. I’ve gotten some good leads on homes that accept pets and hopefully will get some more before the time comes to move.
I have had random teary eyed moments today but I think that is more due to the lack of sleep last night-stress and back pain-and the hangover effect of the muscle relaxer. I’m really ok, though all of my coworkers have noticed that I haven’t been myself yesterday or today and 3 of the 5 have specifically asked me if I’m ok. I am, I really am ok. I just need sleep and lots of it.