Trying to remain calm, positive and all that jazz

I POAS’s this AM and of course it was BFN. I’m only at 13dpiui and yes, I am planning to test again but this morning was the first time that I actually allowed myself to think that I might not be pregnant. I have been remaining optimistic and calm this cycle, not because I am all Pollyanna and refuse to believe that not being pregnant is a real possibility, but because I have made a conscious effort this cycle to only think positively and only envision postive pregnany tests, little babies, future nursery, etc. So far, it’s worked. My mood has been more stable this cycle and I have slept way better (thank you CircleBloom and EFT). I even reacted better to the meds (I’m convinced that CircleBloom had a part in that, but more of that in my next blob post).

My issues is now, what if this AM’s BFN really is a BFN? I know that we will do one more IUI here before we move to Colorado but I’m not sure of the next step when we get there. To be honest, I am kind of over all this modern medicine. For the majority of the past 3 years I have been on medications that have messed with my hormones. I have had way too many dates with Wandy and I have been stuck with needles more times than I care to remember. Do I really want to start all of that over again when I get to Colorado? I’m just not sure. We will only have a short time there together until P leaves so I don’t know if I want to put the pressure of IUIs on us. On the other hand, what if he doesn’t come back (I’m not being dramatic, just realistic) and then I’m left wondering “what if”. And yes, I know that I need to talk to him about it some more but he’s currently not available to talk and y’all are available to read :-p

I am really thinking of turning to a combination of acupuncture, TCM, EFT and CircleBloom if we don’t get pregnant by the time we move. TCM and acupuncture have never been a possibility here because we live in the middle of nowhere but in Colorado both are a definite possibility. I am already Googling places so that I can get started right away when we get settled. I also am trying to find out if acupuncture might help P’s leukocytospermia. At this point he is ready to try almost anything.

Now back to only thinking positive thoughts and good things. Apparently I’ve been doing that quite well because last night I had a vivid dream about getting a BFP on an EPT preg test and calling P to tell him about it while he was working. I truly pray that I see that BFP this week.

Opinion or thoughts? Am I the only one that gets fed up with modern medicine?



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11 responses to “Trying to remain calm, positive and all that jazz

  1. I think you are amazing, which I know I have already told you, but I am telling you again. I have nothing but love for you. I want you to see a BFP this week as much as I want good news for myself.

    Fingers crossed.

    Sending love and happy baby thoughts.

  2. I totally want to say “Ditto” to all that Lisa said. My fingers remained crossed that a BFP comes your way later this week and you can focus on all the happiness that comes with that.

    Regarding some of your other thoughts, you know I’m a big fan of acupuncture and TCM so I’d definitely be happy to talk “shop” about that — but for now, I refuse to because I’m living in the hope that we won’t have to because of your good news! 🙂

  3. I ditto Fertility Chick’s ditto. Please keep us posted, sending you positive thoughts.

  4. I hope that you just tested too early and that your BFP will show up in a couple of days! Keep thinking positive thoughts!

  5. Also a ditto from me – not doing Clomid this month made me open my eyes to a lot of alternatives. TCM has always been something I wanted to explore more and I think that for fertility it is a great option! FX that you won’t need & will get ur BFP … and also here for you if you don’t. =)


    About modern medicine…it’s a blessing and a curse.

  7. I have been thinking of you this week and hoping for positive results too!

    I totally understand your thoughts on modern medicine and wouldn’t want to go through the poking either. (In fact if I ever do end up pregnant (Dil wants a bio child eventually but I’d prefer to adopt) I’ve already told Dil that we better have insurance that will cover a midwife and a water birth!). But I’m all in support of trying out the acupuncture and TCM. I’ve read a lot of studies about it and it sounds like just as good as an option, and would be a much more soothing experience I would hope. It seems to have positive outcomes! I have several friends back home that actually use herbs and acupuncture to treat their endometritis symptoms and love it so much better (and with better results) than anything “modern” medicine was able to produce.

    BUT here’s hoping that none of that is necessary anyway and that you’re gonna get a positive result!! 🙂 You’re gonna make the cutest lil pregnant mama! 🙂

  8. I have been thinking about you so much since your IUI and you’re not the only visualizing that you’re pregnant. I have been convinced for these past 2 weeks that you will be announcing your BFP this month! I am hoping and praying that you get your BFP in the coming days and don’t even have to think about whether to continue with IUIs or not because you will already be pregnant. If that doesn’t turn out to be the case though, it sounds like you have good ideas about how to proceed from here.

    You are such a wonderful and amazing person and I know that motherhood WILL happen for you and soon! *hugs* and lots of happy thoughts

  9. Say this IUI don’t work…my Husband is leaving shortly after we PCS also and he is leaving spermies behind so we can still try every month while he is gone. Maybe talk about that with your Husband. *hugs* hang in there!

    • liberalgranolagirl

      I know that P would be willing to make deposits and have me try while he’s gone but the more I think about that, the more I don’t want to do it. I will stressed enough with him being deployed and me being in a new (albeit wonderful) place. Adding fertility meds to that stress and not having him to comfort me and support me just sounds like too much for me to handle. Not that I am weak and couldn’t handle it but I don’t want to handle it. Plus, IMO the stress would be counterproductive to the whole TTC process.

      Also, I know that when we get there I’ll have to get a PCM, see him/her, get a referral to an RE (and possibly a urologist) and potentially have to go through testing again. I really don’t wanna spend those few months running around to drs’ appointments, trying to get insurance approval, worrying about paying for meds, etc. I’d rather spend that time focusing on us (doing fun things, exploring our new hometown, etc) and our mental, emotional and physical health.

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