I POAS’s this AM and of course it was BFN. I’m only at 13dpiui and yes, I am planning to test again but this morning was the first time that I actually allowed myself to think that I might not be pregnant. I have been remaining optimistic and calm this cycle, not because I am all Pollyanna and refuse to believe that not being pregnant is a real possibility, but because I have made a conscious effort this cycle to only think positively and only envision postive pregnany tests, little babies, future nursery, etc. So far, it’s worked. My mood has been more stable this cycle and I have slept way better (thank you CircleBloom and EFT). I even reacted better to the meds (I’m convinced that CircleBloom had a part in that, but more of that in my next blob post).
My issues is now, what if this AM’s BFN really is a BFN? I know that we will do one more IUI here before we move to Colorado but I’m not sure of the next step when we get there. To be honest, I am kind of over all this modern medicine. For the majority of the past 3 years I have been on medications that have messed with my hormones. I have had way too many dates with Wandy and I have been stuck with needles more times than I care to remember. Do I really want to start all of that over again when I get to Colorado? I’m just not sure. We will only have a short time there together until P leaves so I don’t know if I want to put the pressure of IUIs on us. On the other hand, what if he doesn’t come back (I’m not being dramatic, just realistic) and then I’m left wondering “what if”. And yes, I know that I need to talk to him about it some more but he’s currently not available to talk and y’all are available to read :-p
I am really thinking of turning to a combination of acupuncture, TCM, EFT and CircleBloom if we don’t get pregnant by the time we move. TCM and acupuncture have never been a possibility here because we live in the middle of nowhere but in Colorado both are a definite possibility. I am already Googling places so that I can get started right away when we get settled. I also am trying to find out if acupuncture might help P’s leukocytospermia. At this point he is ready to try almost anything.
Now back to only thinking positive thoughts and good things. Apparently I’ve been doing that quite well because last night I had a vivid dream about getting a BFP on an EPT preg test and calling P to tell him about it while he was working. I truly pray that I see that BFP this week.
Opinion or thoughts? Am I the only one that gets fed up with modern medicine?