Where to begin???

I have so many things that I want to blog about at this moment but I suppose that the I’ll begin with is a TTC update. I swear that the next blog with have little to do with hormones, injections, Wandy and timed sex.

I was going to write a blog about this IUI, number 4, being our hail mary pass for pregnancy, but the more I thought about it, the less sense it made. This is not our hail mary pass for pregnancy. This is just our hail mary pass for pregnancy before we leave Louisiana. I still fully believe that we will get our BFP, either this time or a time in the future. Since I made the decision to breathe in the positive and blow out the negative (thanks again, Circle+Bloom), I have continued to feel better and more at peace with this whole process. I didn’t cry once when I got a BFN and then AF last week. Let me rephrase that-I didn’t cry because of the BFN and AF but I did cry over other things (a subject for another blog post). I don’t feel desperate for pregnancy any more. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be pregnant and I want to be a Mommy but I refuse to let it define me any more.

One of the things I’ve done over the past few weeks is to read, for pleasure, again. I have read 2 books in 2 weeks (not including another 1 that I finished in those 2 weeks), listened to a book on tape on the drive home from Alabama and I am starting a new book tonight. (I am really thinking about doing book reviews on all the books I read-opinions?) I have 2 more books lined up to read and have decided to keep up with my GoodReads account. When I read, I read to get lost in a book. I don’t always read light hearted books. In general, I like non-fiction books more than fiction books. I like to learn about the world to open my mind and to educate myself. I cannot express how much I love reading books that have nothing to do with fertility issues, infertility cures, fertility diets, etc. Don’t get me wrong, those books are great and informative but I found that I was only reading those books and everything in my life-other than work-was once again starting to revolve around TTC, fertility challenges, RE appointments, etc. When I get that way, I am not pleasant to be around. Escaping in a good book is like a good drug to me πŸ™‚

I have SUCKED at the whole working out for TTC. I bought a prenatal yoga video and have done it a couple of times but somehow snuggling in bed or on the couch with my husband is more tempting than exercise. I think that P is trying to get me back on track though-for Valentine’s Day he bought me a 2 year subscription to Yoga Journal. I am seriously stoked to get that and I am impressed that he was so thoughtful with the gift. Not that he’s not thoughtful, it just surprised me in a good way. It shouldn’t have surprised me, though-my first gift from him was the DVD Walk the Line. We had met once and had talked on the phone for 2 weeks. I had mentioned my love of Johnny Cash in one of our conversations and remarked that I’d not seen the movie. When I checked into the hotel, it was waiting for me. Anyway, back to me sucking at working out :-p My focus has been so much on TTC, relaxing and spending time with P that I’ve just let it slide. I swear, that I will change and improve. At least my eating is better.

Back to the TTC update πŸ™‚ Had a date with Wandy yesterday (aka, an internal ultrasound) and I had ZERO cysts! My uterine lining looked great and I got the calendar with this month’s protocal-25mg of Femara last night, 100iu Follistim nightly for 5 nights starting tomorrow and 200mg of Prometrium (a form of progesterone) nightly starting the night after the IUI. Yes, that’s right, I have to take Prometrium again. That shit is straight from hell. I was a wreck on it the last time that I took it, and then I only took it for 2 days. This time I’ll be on it for 2 WEEKS! Yeah, I am not amused but apparently I need more than the 90mg of progesterone that Crinone was giving me. God help me (and anyone who has to interact with me) when I am on that devil medicine.

I feel like this has been a rambling blog post, which is kind of how my thoughts have felt lately. More blog posts to come…..

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Where to begin???

  1. That is awesome that you are feeling more calm and making some time for the stuff you enjoy. Prometrium made me very emotional, I hope it treats you well. Good luck with your upcoming additional meds πŸ™‚

  2. Celeste

    Wow very honest blog.I kike the way your attitude is transitioning to a postive atmosphere where you have more peace:-) Yeah very happy for you. Hopefully I mean well i know one day I will be in the same place you are mentally. Todays just not that day!…i know when you write about these things it kind of makes you feel a little better that its out. I thought about starting a journal but maybe ill start a blog instead:-) Thanks for sharing

  3. I was so where you were are at the end of the year last year, time to stop letting TTC define you πŸ™‚ of course i say that, and dont take offense, but i think that making the decision to not let TTC define you anymore means that you can live a happy life… I am not sure how i would have gone at that but i know the frame of mind, and i think that living your life is the most important thing sometimes.

    Also i love that you are thinking of doing a read review, i love hearing what people have to say about books, and weather they can recommend them :o)

    My fingers and toes are crossed for you this month, and i pray that whatever decisions you make, and whatever happens in the near future, i honestly pray that you will be happy.

    May God bless you and may all your dreams become reality…

  4. I am so happy that you are not letting it define you any longer! Isnt it a WONDERFUL feeling?! πŸ™‚ I am on 2 weeks of Provera Day 5 and I am all good so far which is SUCH a blessing. I have swollen sore boobs but man I will take that ANY day over crazy! I had good results with Prometrium in the past hopefully you will the same. My Dr said that Prometrium was less harsh than Provera when I told him what happened to me on Provera. What books are you reading? I am caught up with Nicholas Sparks and while I enjoy his books it was not a good idea to catch up on his stuff so quickly because his writing style is o so very predictable. Have you read Water For Elephants? It is EXCELLENT! I am just starting Belong To Me.

  5. I started writing adoption themed children’s book reviews as a way to stop writing about my negative feelings about the wait. It worked. I still plan on doing more. So, I think writing book reviews might work well for you too.

    I like nonfiction better than fiction too.

    Glad to hear you are in a good place right now. I think of you often.

  6. I love your postive outlook! It is inspiring! Keep it up…..We all need to be around it =)

  7. You sound so good. So centered. I have been so grateful for the month I took off from TTC. It feels so amazing to be me again and not have my whole life focused on this stuff. I love your outlook. Thanks for being such a positive force!

    I’m glad you have been able to get sucked in to some good non-ttc books, reading really is a drug, isn’t it? I need to find another good one asap!

  8. Love this post – it’s important for all of us TTC ladies to realize that TTC doesn’t define us. I have been sort of forced into that realization due to finances not being where they need to be for fertility treatments, but in hindsight I’m grateful for the dose of reality. Sometimes you just get all swept up in all the appointments, scheduling and waiting that you forget there’s a whole other world out there waiting. Blogging and exploring more musically/poetically has been my outlet as of late and I’m really loving it! I think it’s great you want to share your reads and opinions about said reads and I’ll look forward to hearing about new books πŸ˜€

    I’m really glad to hear that your last BFN didn’t break your stride, and it seems in fact to have strengthened your resolve to succeed in the end, and solidified your self-centering abilities! thinking of you often (esp. when trying to motivate myself to do Yoga for some reason!:P)

  9. Rambles are good too—-and it’s your blog so I think you should be able to write about whatever your heart desires! πŸ˜‰ But I’d love to read book reviews!

    You’re doing incredible and it’s good to hear that you are in such a good place about everything. Not that there aren’t hard moments and days I’m sure. With the new meds, I’ll mentally prepare myself now for extra support over the next few weeks at work. πŸ˜‰ Hope you enjoy the weekend gal!

  10. you always have sucha good attitude and perspective on things – i want to creat an award about that and give it to you!

    glad you’re tests went great and that you can start again.

    i’m scared of that prometrium stuff too…just wear a warning sign πŸ™‚

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