Ahhhh, the joys of pre-deployment

This is a blog post I had not intended to write but felt the need to write after a discussion that P and I had tonight.

P has been working over night, on and off, for the past week. I had not seen him since yesterday morning and did not expect to see him until tomorrow night but thankfully he was able to come home tonight. Of course, like a good wife =p, I asked him about his day-that’s when he dropped somewhat of a bomb. “X’s wife cleaned out their bank account while we were in the field.” (Obviously the guy’s name isn’t X but I am protecting the identity of the innocent.) Apparently X and his wife had been having some issues so she cleaned out the back account and we assume took off. This kicked off our pre-deployment conversation. It goes something like this:

P- “You love me?”
Me- “yes”
P- “forever?”
Me- “Of course, darling.”
P- “You’re not gonna get tired of waiting for me for 12 months?”
Me- “Of course not. You’re my love. You better not cruise the dating websites when you’re bored in the desert.”
P-*rolls his eyes* “All I’ll be doing is working out and focusing on the mission while I’m there. Seriously, I don’t what I’d do if you did that” (referring to what X’s wife did while he was in the field for a few days.”
Me- “I could never do that, well unless you cruised the dating websites like S’s husband did and found an online girlfriend while deployed. Then I could do it.”

By this time we were at the restaurant. To be clear, neither P nor I have a trust issue with each other. It’s a reassurance conversation that we seem to have every so often. It’s a damn shame that soldiers even have to worry about cheating spouses/partners when they are deployed. I have heard of too many stories and it hurts my heart. I cannot imagine even thinking about cheating while P is gone. Some people ask things like “I can’t imagine going without sex for so long-there’s no way that I could do it.” Well, if you’re relationship is centered around sex, then no, you couldn’t do it. This coming deployment will be my first long one with P (his other one was only a few months) but I truly don’t think that sex will be the first thing in my mind (I really don’t think that it will even be in the top 5). Not that sex isn’t important but there are way more important things in my opinion.

I’m not blogging about this upcoming deployment to get attention or to get any kudos. It’s funny because when people talk about how hard it must be to be a military spouse, I just don’t truly get it because I’ve only been married to a military man. I don’t know anything different so I don’t know if it’s easier to be the wife of someone in another career choice. I mean, intellectually yes, I understand what people mean by that and yes, being without him for a year will suck but I’ve had him at home for 3.5 years which is great in the Army world. I’ve been preparing for a possible deployment for months and I know that P is ready to deploy and “do his job”.

We’ve also been focusing on the positive parts of the big D-We will be almost completely debt free, have a decent saving account and hopefully be able to start an IRA by the end of it. We will be able to save up some money for IVF (I’m doing this even if we get a BFP before he leaves because we want at least 2 children). We will be able to write each other beautiful love letters and cards. Yes, I am really in that zen of a place right now that I can focus on the positive and not the negative of my husband deploying for a year.

I’m sure I’ll be a mess when he leaves. I miss him even when he’s gone for a few days. I’m sure he’ll be a mess, too. We’ll be okay, though….we always are ❤

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “Ahhhh, the joys of pre-deployment

  1. Jen

    Emptying bank accounts and online deployment girlfriends…oh, the crap that surrounds deployments. I really love your attitude about the deployment because some spouses simply don’t have the fortitude to do it. Around deployment times I have discussions with my hubby about similar things. It settles my mind because sometimes I just want to hear him vocalize it. You will get through the deployment and hopefully save a whole bunch of money too! My last two IVFs have been paid for from deployment money which is the one real benefit to them. Are you going to keep TTC while he is gone?

  2. I’ve already said on Twitter how I feel, and after having read this maybe I shouldn’t be so overly out with my admiration lol – but seriously, am one of those people who is really in awe with how you manage to stay sane. I’m glad you’re managing to keep your zen and just remember, your tweeple are here for you when it gets rough! xo

  3. Waiting Lisa

    I am so proud of you for being in such a zen place. I really do admire you for how well you deal with things. It helps me to read your blog. I am a crazy anxiety ridden person and your zen calms me.

    I have typed and erased about 4 different paragraphs. I don’t want to say the wrong thing, but I want you to know I am here for you. So I will leave it at that. haha. I am here. You will get through this one day at a time and while you do, we will all be here for you.

  4. Good gosh—that’s horribly what X’s wife did! There are so many disfunctional relationships everywhere, but somehow with the stress & separation maybe they become apparent more quickly in this lifestyle….I don’t know. But I can understand having to have that conversation. Truthfully I can’t imagine if D deploys. I do really well with being flexible with their schedules, etc, but ironically I married him knowing he was non-deployable and getting out…..so if he DOES stay in and change his MOS for mini-deployments….I know I’ll figure out a way to handle it and hopefully I can be as peaceful as you are in this moment. Although since we do have some trust issues….there’s a chance I might get a lil bit paranoid too. 😉 But I think sometimes absence can make the relationship stronger too……you have to bond on a completely different level than the physical and every day stuff……

    Glad you guys are having these discussions and preparing early though!

  5. I gave you an award on my blog! Check it out!

  6. Awe! This hugs my heart. I always think military wives are strong people (the ones who actually stick it out)… not because of sex, but because of the simple things… the conversations at the end of the day, the hugs, the waking up next to, just those tiny things (that are huge). My husband is home every night, and I find myself thinking the same thing about oil field wives (even though that’s shorter periods of time). I’m glad you listed the positives. That makes me feel better for some odd reasons, but yeah…the sex things would’ve even be in my top 5 list either. Hoping that the time passes quickly, and that the finances are rocking!

  7. Wow it is so sad to know that those things happen to marriages during deployment but I am so glad to know you and P aren’t risk for those things ❤ I think being able to write each other love letters while he is gone will be such a beautiful stage of your marriage and one your children will love being able to hear and read one day

  8. PlaiduhPus

    Reading your blog a little behind sched. LOL

    I’m a military brat and unfortunately, my mom was one of those “X’s wife” types. She cheated on my dad left and right while he was deployed. Most of it we didn’t know about until she left him when I was 13 but knowing now doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

    I’ll never forget how angry my mom got when my sister married military and I was dating a Marine. She used to ream us for our decisions and taunt us saying, “Well, just know that you wont be able to handle it. No woman can. It’s wrong for a man to just go off and leave a woman like that and expect us to fend for ourselves.”

    I lost so much respect for her through my teen years and now have absolutely NONE for her. These men and women that choose to be in the military deserve respect and admiration. Whatever reasons they had for joining, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that they do an often times dangerous job that most of the general public doesn’t think about on a regular basis. And any woman or man that would throw away a marriage and break someone’s heart just because they get “lonely”…ick. That person is lower than a dog in my book.

    It’s so wonderful to see partners like you being so dedicated to the cause of your marriage. I know you weren’t looking for kudos…but here they are anways.

  9. liberalgranolagirl

    From the bottom of my heart, I thank all of you ❤

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