Last week I went to the “coordination of care” meetings at the IVF clinic. I met with the financial person, embryologist and my nurse. I was quite informative and answered lots of my questions but y’all…..I AM FREAKING OUT NOW. Not like all the time but when I stop and think about it doing it without P being here (thank you deployment), that’s when it really gets me.
I’m not scared of giving myself injections-I injected myself 99% of the time when we did IUIs-but I’m anxious about not having the in person support of him. I have great friends here IRL and in cyberspace, but nothing can replace the feeling of having my best friend, my soulmate home and emotionally supporting me. Having him hold me at night while I cry out my worry of never getting pregnant, no one else can do that.
And that brings me to something else….what if it doesn’t work? My team of people at the IVF clinic are confident but we all know that it not working is a definite possibility. Gah, I can’t think about that right now….I will lose it if I do. I haven’t been to therapy in forever…I really need to call her.
I put on a good front most of the time because with P being gone, I have been able to NOT focus on getting pregnant. Now that’s all gonna change….and I might be a crazy hormonal person again *sigh*
Of course, if we get naturally pregnant over R&R (and I stay pregnant) then I’ll be the happiest woman EVER!