Confession time……

Last week I went to the “coordination of care” meetings at the IVF clinic. I met with the financial person, embryologist and my nurse. I was quite informative and answered lots of my questions but y’all…..I AM FREAKING OUT NOW. Not like all the time but when I stop and think about it doing it without P being here (thank you deployment), that’s when it really gets me.

I’m not scared of giving myself injections-I injected myself 99% of the time when we did IUIs-but I’m anxious about not having the in person support of him. I have great friends here IRL and in cyberspace, but nothing can replace the feeling of having my best friend, my soulmate home and emotionally supporting me. Having him hold me at night while I cry out my worry of never getting pregnant, no one else can do that.

And that brings me to something else….what if it doesn’t work? My team of people at the IVF clinic are confident but we all know that it not working is a definite possibility. Gah, I can’t think about that right now….I will lose it if I do. I haven’t been to therapy in forever…I really need to call her.

I put on a good front most of the time because with P being gone, I have been able to NOT focus on getting pregnant. Now that’s all gonna change….and I might be a crazy hormonal person again *sigh*

Of course, if we get naturally pregnant over R&R (and I stay pregnant) then I’ll be the happiest woman EVER!

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9 Comments

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9 responses to “Confession time……

  1. Hey Becca. You’re allowed to freak out. Investing that amount of money and you’re not even sure if it will work and your soul mate isn’t there… yip I would too…
    Take a deeeeep breath….
    By the way, what’s the latest with SIL’s kids? when are they coming?
    wishing you all things wonderful
    Heather

  2. Jen

    You can do it, you can do it!

  3. I am scared of ivf too and I can only imagine not having my hubby nearby to help. You can do this!

  4. shorty

    I am super scared too. and you are amazingly brave and strong dealing with all that you have. prayers everything goes amazingly perfect!

  5. lisa

    I would be freaking out too. It’s a big deal. I know you can do it though. And I am always here for you if you want to talk.

  6. My sister had to do the injections and she said she got used to them after a while. I hope that they go well for you!

  7. Hey lady. I know I dont comment on your blog often either. But know that I do read it and follow you on twitter (of course!). I hope things work out for you and the hubby with the adoptionand the IVF. I think about you guys a lot and hope that it all works out. (Im not the praying type anymore).

    I wish we lived closer! I think we have a lot of things in common and would love to get to know you better. If you ever want to head out to San Diego, let me know!

  8. You can do it Becca! and we’ll all be here to support you through it 🙂

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