Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the future and what I want for P, me and for our future children. Some of this has been brought on by the past few weeks of seeing and hearing all this hate towards Muslims on the media and on social networks. Some of it has been brewing in my head and heart for a while.
If you’re read my About Me page then you know that I am liberal, very liberal. I was not always liberal. I grew up very conservative, in a very conservative household. At some point I realized that I was not being true to myself and my heart. Over the years, I have definitely found myself and figured out my values. I want to pass those values on to my children and to others.
I want to raise our children to be accepting of others. I want them to know the world and people from other religions and cultures. I want them to love other people and accept other people, even when those people are vastly different from them. I want them to see the world as a place to explore, learn and love. I want them to make determinations about people based on people’s actions, not on their race, religion, appearance, etc.
I’ve been thinking lately about making a career change. I have felt a pull toward the non-profit sector and/or education. I’ve started looking into opening an in home daycare/preschool. I love children and have always loved working with children. I want to teach them about the things that I value and love while educating them and preparing them for school. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to turn them into little autobots who are exactly like me. I want them to learn how to think for themselves. I want them to be able to find themselves at a younger age than I did. I want to encourage them to find their own interests and loves.
I want to make the world a better, gentler, more accepting place, one child at a time.
I got a charging cord for our ancient Gateway laptop so I am no longer computerless at home!!!
It’s been a difficult couple of weeks in the M household. Part of that had to do with deployment, which you can read out here. A smaller part had to do with the zoo and me having some illnesses. Last week Ranger had a parasite, giardia, and Bear’s anxiety caused him to chew a hole in one of his front legs. After getting them cared for (found 2 new vets that I heart), I came down with a killer cold/allergy/sinus shit. I was out of work for 2 days and still don’t feel normal. I do not like allergies at all. I am hoping to feel well enough to do Zumba again on Tuesday. I haven’t done it in almost 2 weeks and I can tell!
I made this blog to talk about things other than just TTC and infertility, but I know that’s what it’s gravitated towards in the past few years. I am more than my infertility, a lot more. Since we are on a forced TTC break right now I plan to write some more blogs about my beliefs and the things that I feel passionately about. I may lose some followers because of my beliefs, and that’s okay. I find the close that I come to motherhood, the more I feel the
need the want to be 100% true to myself. I hope that you continue to follow along on my journey.
*edited 2010 JULY 23
I made this private for a bit because P had a freak out and said that we couldn’t do it. Said that we couldn’t afford it and that he worried about SIL finding us and trying to steal the kids back. He then said that he needed a few days to think about it. He thought, we talked and we talked to MIL who promised (we’ll see if it happens) to help us with money if needed. He came to his senses and we are now actively trying to get custody of both children 🙂 I’ll be calling CPS over the weekend to leave a message to expedite things. I’m trying to be realistic-I know that things might fall through and we might not get the kids but the old CPS worker in me is optimistic 🙂
Yesterday I told SIL that we will adopt her 2 children and tomorrow I’ll be calling CPS to get started on what is hopefully a smooth process. I am excited and scared and nervous. We are ready to be parents, no doubt about that. I’m scared that something will happen to mess it all up. Before S (SIL’s 2 yr old) was 1 year old, SIL wanted us to take her. We started making plans, friends secretly planned a shower then it all fell through. I know this time is different because CPS is involved but I am still scared. I’ve been thinking about how to arrange their room (they’ll share the room right next to us) but I won’t start buying anything until I know that this is 100% happening. According to what the caseworker said last week, it might take 6 months for all of this to go through and be finalized. That’s a long time but it also gives me time to get prepared. I say “me” and not “we” because P will be over in the big sandbox during most of this process.
When we first started TTC, I prayed every month to get pregnant. A year or so ago I changed that prayer to us becoming parents. This seems to be the answer to that prayer. We will still be going through IVF and will hopefully I will get to do it before S and D (by the way, we will be changing their first names and their middle names will be SIL’s last name) get here. So yes, hopefully in about 6 months or so we will be the parents of 2 toddlers, 6 furbabies (yes, we ARE keeping all of them-I hate when people suggest that having skin kids means we have to give up or furkids) and a bun or 2 in the oven. Sound crazy? Yeah, it might but I have amazing friends here and I am confident that we can do this.
This is going to be an amazing adventure and I know that we’ll have some work to do with S. I am so excited to be a mommy and even more excited for P to be a daddy. Any prayers and good thoughts that you can send our way would be awesome 🙂
I know I’ve not been around on here much but I’m now asking for help. P and I have a major decision to make by Monday. Long story short, we’ve been asked by CPS if we want to adopt SIL’s children. I told her that we would let her know on Monday. I know to some of y’all this seems like a no brainer but there are definite things we have to sort out-day care costs, some therapy for the 2 year old (she’s exhibiting some anger issues already), SIL and her instability (she’s currently harrassing the relatives that have the children, which is why they are giving them up), deployment (how will I do with 2 kids by myself) and our upcoming IVF (new post on that later but looks like it’s happening in September and NOT with CCRM).
My heart is screaming yes but I know that P needs to be on board 100% with this. Part of me wonders if it’s selfish to want to adopt the children when they would be placed in a pre-adoptive home….then I remember some of the pre-adoptive (and adoptive) homes that I worked with when I was in CPS….not saying all are bad-there are WONDERFUL foster to foster/adopt parents out there-but I saw several not good ones. Another part of me wonders if this is our chance to be parents. What if God/the universe is trying to tell us something? What if we don’t adopt now, then IVF/FET doesn’t work and we have to take a major loan for private adoption?
I’m going to therapy tonight….not sure if I’m going to tell her about this because there are so many other things that I need to discuss.
Please blogger friends, pray that we make the right decision. Offer input if you like but only if it’s constructive and out of caring-I simply cannot take negativity right now.
My Twitter friends are amazing and have been listening to me talk about this all day. I want to say a special thank you to 2 wonderful friends Holly and Lisa. Love both of you ❤
P and I have enjoyed a wonderful, beautiful weekend. Friday night we did our normal thing-watched movies and drank at home. I normally go to Zumba on Saturday mornings but P asked me to please spend the whole day with him, so we went fishing 🙂 We got up, got breakfast, bought supplies at Dick’s and then headed to the Skaguay Reservoir for a day of fishing.
On the way...
LOVE fishing in the mountains
The master at work
Beautiful clear water
We didn’t catch any fish but spending quality time alone, with no cell phone reception was great. We both got sunburned and then went to a local Mexican joint for food. I think that we are going to do some river fishing next weekend. Hopefully we’ll catch something so that we can have fresh fish for dinner 🙂
Today we spent much of our day helping our friend, Sarah, move to her new house. Most people might like consider that fun but it seriously was fun. So happy for her that she bought a home and I can’t wait to spend time over there with her painting and having girl time when P deploys. After helping her we grabbed lunch at Red Robin’s and went to Whole Foods. Yes, heart Whole Foods so much. Sundays have traditionally been our days to run errands and spend time together. They will be very hard for me when P leaves.
In other news, my therapist is awesome and has volunteered to take me to the egg retrieval and embryo transfer when the time comes. When I mentioned going to BWW while P is gone, she also said that she would go there and to SB with me if needed. I could not be happier about her being my therapist and firmly believe that I would not be able to make it through all of this without her. If you are going through fertility challenges or deployment, I highly recommend therapy.
Now I’m off to watch the series finale of The Tudors with the best husband in the world.
Time is going too fast. We are having fun but it’s just too fast. Our weekends are filled with eating out, shopping, drinking and hanging out. I’m cherishing every single freaking second, just wish it would slow down.
This weekend is a long one and we have lots of fun stuff planned 🙂 Tonight we had dinner out and then went to see the Prince of Persia. It was a GREAT movie! I got teary eyed during the previews because most of them were for movies coming out after P leaves. Nonetheless, it was a great night. Now we’re relaxing at home and I’m enjoying a glass of wine. Tomorrow I go to Zumba (seriously, my new favorite exercise) and then we are going to Territory Days in Old Colorado City. I seriously LOVE that part of town and would love to live there one day. It’s where I take Zumba and it reminds me a lot of Savannah and the Highland area in Birmingham. I feel at home in the Springs but I really feel at home in that area-hippies, local artists, dancers, hip earthy parents all seem to frequent that area. I am taking my good camera out there tomorrow and hope to get some great pictures. Either Sunday or Monday we hope to take the dogs outdoors some where for some walking and I plan to take some pictures then, too. I really need to get back to serious picture taking-at one time it was so therapeutic for me.
I’ve been doing great with eating and exercising this week 🙂 I made 3 Cheese Baked Ziti on Monday and literally ate it all week. I never got tired of it-P did but he just ate sandwiches instead. No way was I cooking every night with it being so hot and this house not having A/C. I’ve run once and been to Zumba twice this week. I planned to run today but when I left work at noon (took half a day off) I crashed for a 4 hour nap. I am really not sure why I was so exhausted but I listen to my body so I took the day off from exercising. The weight loss is going slowly but it’s going. I lost 6 lbs, gained 3 back and have lost 2 of those so I guess I’ve lost 4 lbs so far 🙂 I think that the key for me is staying away from unhealthy snacks and eating out during the week. Last week I did not do well at all with the eating-ate out and snacked A LOT. Must not do that on a regular basis. Also, been doing well with eating vegetarian for the vast majority of my meals. My goal is 1, max 2, non-vegetarian meals per week and so far I’ve been sticking with it. I am proud of me 🙂
In less than a week I turn 34 and in just over 2 weeks we have our IVF consultation. I am ridiculously calm about all of that at the moment. My next therapy appointment is on my birthday and P has agreed to go with me at the request of my therapist-LOVE MY HUSBAND. He is so not a therapy person but he didn’t hesitate when agreeing to go with me. I love that he sees how important this is to me. I love that I married him. I hate infertility but I love that he’s the one going through this with me. He is amazing.
I feel guilty about not blogging as much, seriously I do. I promise that I will blog A LOT when he’s gone. So much that you’ll probably get sick of me :-p There is so much that I think of blogging about during the week, then I get home after running or going to Zumba and all I want to do is snuggle on the couch with P and watch iCarly (yeah, I love iCarly-so what?!) I need to just write like 5-7 blogs over the weekends and then post them throughout the week.
To all who read my blog, thank you-for real ❤ I promise to catch up on blog reading, too. I am ridiculously behind but I truly promise to read all of them on my Reader.
a therapy virgin that is. I finished my first therapy session about an hour ago and I loved it. I was so nervous and excited about it right before I went it to meet her. She completely put me at ease and the office was homey, not at all “therapy” feeling. It was like talking to friend the whole time, a friend that was inside my head :-p
I seriously cannot explain how great it felt to talk to someone about the stress of infertility, deployment, IVF, moving, etc. I mean, I love you readers and Tweeters but having a real live person, who has been through infertility (yep, she’s been down that road) and is a trained therapist is truly wonderful. After just one session I no longer feel as overwhelmed with this whole IVF process during deployment. I seriously feel like I can handle it.
If you are going through infertility, deployment, adoption or just feeling overwhelmed I highly recommend therapy. Yes, I know it seems odd for me to recommend it after only one session but I can tell even at this point that I have found the right therapist and that she will be a great help to me.