Frustrated

Yes, I am frustrated but for once it’s not about infertility. It’s about working out and getting in shape. I did 2 workouts today-Yoga Zone’s yoga for weight loss and P90X plyometrics (basically jumping for 45 min). I had to cut the yoga short-just did one 30 min workout instead of 2-and modify a lot of moves in plyo because of my body. My back starting burning about 15 min into yoga and rather than making it better (which it usually does) the yoga started making the burning worse. I finished the 30 minutes and then moved onto plyo. I had to modify a lot of moves in plyo because my strained-formerly torn (5 yrs ago)-leg muscle began aching again. At one point I felt a sharp pain in my shin, like it was tearing again. I have stretched, soaked in a hot bath and wrapped my leg with an Ace bandage. The compression of the wrap seems to make it feel better. It’s frustrating because I’m only 33 years old. I should be falling apart yet. I mean, I know that I have played hard and that at times I push myself but damn.

I’m also frustrated because while no one would ever call me fat (5’8″, 135 lbs) I have a tummy pooch. One of the many things i just love about PCOS, stubborn fat cells. After 4 weeks of doing P90X I can see a difference in my legs, arms and upper abs but those stubborn fat cells in my lower abs just won’t go away! Of course if I could follow the P90X diet it might help but trying to follow the fertility diet is more important to me right now. I also love to eat and my feeling is that life is too short to not enjoy my meals and wine. I’ve been doing better, though, and I’m just frustrated that the fat is not disappearing from my tummy. I think that it will eventually but I want it to go away NOW.

P’s ex wife is also frustrating me. I want to surprise P with a mini scrapbook of their son for CHristmas but she won’t send pictures to us. I messaged her on Myspace and FB last night but she never responded. NOw apparently she’s saying that I’m harassing her. Really? Because I want pictures of C to make a book for HIS FATHER? Yeah, she’s a piece of work.

So here I sit, drinking a beer with a wrapped leg and trying to figure out ways to convince my husband’s ex wife to email pictures of their son…..I’m open to suggestions.

I don’t have a clever title today

I’m in a bit of an infertility funk today and I blame the Army’s mandatory fun last night. P and I were forced to be a part of the unit’s children’s costume “party”. I use the word “party” loosely b/c this was thrown together in less than 24 hours and it sucked. Anyway we were surrounded by tweens, young kids, ever so cute babies and a few pregnant women. At one point I was almost in tears but I held it together. I’m having one of those “I’m sick of my friends and me dealing with infertility. Why can’t we all just be moms or moms to be?” moods. And tomorrow we are going to hand out candy because, well, it’s an excuse to eat chocolate. Overall we’re ok, really we are. We are just ready to get on to the 3rd IUI and hope that it’s the charm.

Speaking of IUIs, we should be on our way to the RE’s clinic next week for testing. We expect to get the ok and then get on track next month. I am asking the RE to give us a beta test (blood test with numbers for those who don’t know) next time so that I don’t have to POAS and worry if it’s accurate or not. We just both want to make sure we get accurate answers after the false positives last month.

Speaking of infertility, please say a prayer for my fellow IF friends. Some are in the 2ww, some have lost a baby, some just got a BFN. We all need all the help and support that we can get.

On the workout front, things are going very well 🙂 At the end of Sunday I will be 28 days through P90X. I am still excited about the program and I am thrilled with the differences that I’m seeing. I plan to do 2 workouts tomorrow (I don’t have to work until noon), 2 workouts on Saturday and one on Sunday. This is supposed to be a rest week for me but I am using it as a makeup week to catch up on the workouts that I skipped due to AF making me like poop. Yes, THAT’S how committed I am-I am doing double workouts on the weekend.

And now we wait. We wait to see if AF shows up or not. Hopefully not.

I know we’re on a break but….

we’re almost back on track and I’m excited!!! We are going to the RE on Friday to have P tested to make sure that the white blood cells are gone. I’m also going to talk to the him about ordering a beta test after the next IUI. I am just leery about POAS’ing again after the false positives last month. Our insurance will pay for the gas and meals for the drive/time dow there so making an extra trip is not a big deal. I’m just ready to get back on the IUI track.

I also said that I wasn’t going to temp or use OPKs this month but I couldn’t help myself. I started having twinges of ovulation pain so I bought some good OPKs and started POAS’ing last night. I did it twice yesterday and already once today-all negative. My CM is increasing so I am gonna to POAS tonight to see if we have a +OPK yet. Either way, we are BD’ing daily which started over the weekend. So no matter what we’re having fun 🙂

I’m back on the workout track and DETERMINED to not let ANYTHING derail me. I need to make up 4 workouts so instead of doing the “rest week” in P90X, I am doing 3 of the workouts this week rather than what is scheduled. Basically instead of 2 days of Core Synergistics and 2 days of Yoga X, I will be doing 1 day of Yoga,1 day of Plyometrics and 2 weights/abs workouts. I am in love with P90X and can’t believe that I’m already in Week 4!!! My arms and legs are looking awesome and I’m already feeling a difference in my abs. Seriously, best workout ever.

My attitude adjustment has stuck, though I’ve still had a few down times over the weekend. Nothing that didn’t pass relativley quickly. WE’ll see if any of that changes once injectibles are atarted again. I’m lucky that I have a great support system in real life and in the internet world. It’s makes this journey much easier.

This is gonna be short…

because I’m at work and don’t want to start bawling my eyes out at my desk.

Today is CD34, no AF and got a BFN this morning. I’m starting Prometrium (progesterone) today to induce AF. This isn’t necessarily unexpected but after yesterday and last getting a BFN this morning was very rough.

Yesterday I had hotflashes and nausea all day. Of course the nausea had me hoping that I has pregnant. I had vivid dreams (like extremely life like) that I got a BFP and was able to tell everyone that I was pregnant. I tested at 0400 this morning-woke up and had to pee-but refused to look at it until I got up for the day. Of course it was a BFN. I crawled back into bed with the dogs and bawled my eyes out. Ranger is such a good tear catcher and he let me bawl into his fur as long as I wanted. P was already gone to PT (physical training/Army workout) but when he got home I told him. He tries to be so positive and was like “but the home preganancy test could be wrong, right? it’s not 100%.” I explained to him that before a dr does a blood preg test, they make you do a pee test.

So now I pray that AF comes soon and we can do at least one IUI cycle before they send him to Jumpmaster School. This whole damn process is exhausting. At least we get to go to Shreveport on Saturday to walk around, shop and eat at Buffalo Wild Wings.

A short P90X update- We did Core Synergistics Monday and it kicked out butts. Yesterday we took the rest day early because I felt like throwing up. Today we will be back on track and will do the Arms and Back DVD plus Ab Ripper X. Still loving the workouts and still motivated.

Wow, I suck at abs

So we did P90X last night and it was the night to do Arms & Shoulders followed by Ab Ripper X. Holy Christmas poo, the Ab Ripper X is no joke. I was seriously grunting and cussing my way through the DVD. I’m pretty sure that I also told Tony Horton (P90X creator) to go to hell a few times. By the end of the 16 minute DVD I could barely use my abs to sit up straight. My boss has done it a total of 3 times and is all ready seeing results (she’s doing the Lean Program as well). The Arms and Shoulders was also hard but I know in the end it will be worth it. Tonight we get to do Yoga X which is 90 minutes long. I can’t wait to see how not flexible my hubby is :-p Also, tonight we are planning to cook the Shrimp Pompodoro from the nutrition guide. I will let you know if it sucks or not.

Well, here i am on CD27 fighting the urge to POAS. Yes, yes, I know that techinically you are not supposed to even think about POAS until AF is late but since I had a + OPK last month, I want to know NOW. Of course I will be with hubby after work so I know that he will not let me buy one. I have a digital one at home but seeing “NOT PREGNANT” is way harder than seeing just one line. I also don’t need AF to be insanely late if I’m not pregnant b/c we need to start the IUI process….guess I’ll be making myself very comfortable with needles.

The P90X journey begins…..

For those of you who don’t know this is P90X. I kept seeing infomercials about it and then some fellow Army wife friends have tried it wirh great results so I thought that I might as well give it a shot. My hubby started it on Monday-I couldn’t start then because of the steroid epidural-and I joined him yesterday. There are 3 different programs that are offered with the program-Classic, Lean and Doubles. We are doing the Lean Program currently. After we complete that program then we plan to do the Classic Program and then the Doubles Program.

My husband has about 20 lbs that he wants to lose. He’s put on some weight since an injury left him unable to run for a few months and I’ve put on some weight just due to being lazy. We love working out together so we decided to invest in this program and do it together after work and in the mornings on the weekend. Thankfully my boss is doing it as well every morning so she will bust my ass if I try to get lazy and not do it :-p

Yesterday the Cardio X DVD was difficult but not at all as bad as I had expected and it made my back feel better. The best part is that he changes exercises every minute or two so I NEVER got bored during the DVD. I am seriously so pumped about this that I can hardly stand it. We are also kind of following the Nutrition Guide that comes with the program. I don’t have time to cook 3 meals per day since we both work full time but we are planning to eat dinners from the guide and I plan to have salad stuff at work so I can make different salads.

The biggest thing that I need to do diet wise is have plenty of fruits and veggies each day. I tend to do well at that for a while, and then I just fall off the wagon. My motivation this time around is getting healthier before the IUI so that I can continue to be healthy during and after the pregnancy. Yes, I am speaking optimisically about getting pregnant. I might even buy a few more baby things =)

P. S. It has taken me like 3 hours to write this blog because we got busy at work! I don’t mind being busy, though, since I’m helping soldiers =)